In my opinion, just like a job, there is only so much willpower and motivation you have. It’s a finite resource. A person that you are
1) Sexually attracted to
2) Emotionally connected with
3) Makes you happy by just being themselves
Will make you happy and motivated to work things out, and vice versa.
Saying it’s a skill is like saying working at a frustrating job for decades is a skill. Sure but why not find one you actually are happy to come to every day?
The actual problem in today’s society is how much we expect from what we see is possible, versus how POOR matchmaking is today when you are single!
Traditional societies have this all over the planet!
Who wants to switch to such a file system? :)
The idea that you need to find the perfect match, be totally yourself all the time and spend no effort making compromises is toxic. You’ll never have those expectations met.
Assuming people don’t really change, if each day you have 2x as many negative possibilities to deal with, that compounds. And similarly if you have 2x as many positive things like a smile vicerally lighting up your world. You want to minimize the former and maximize the latter before you get married!