The reason updates are easier at FB mostly has to do with atomicity of commits. Because FB uses RN from master (and in practice all code lives in the same monorepo), codemods can be applied to products together with the corresponding infrastructure changes. Since the upgrades have a commit granularity instead of the monthly stable releases we cut in open source, there are no big delays between a regression being introduced and fixed for FB products. This discrepancy is unfortunate, but I don’t really see a way around it for an actively developed library--which might be your point.
Undoubtedly RN is in active development, and being a moving target, it's easier for FB teams to “follow” it. Still, large backwards-incompatible changes are just as infeasible for us as for everybody else without either an automated codemod or an opt-in strategy.