Do What Matters to You | Hacker News Reader

Do What Matters to You

blog.irvingruan.com

44 pointsAtlasPuked27 comments

I can't stand this sort of article. They reek of naivety. When I was at university (and thus part of the 'general college body' mentioned in the article), I did what mattered to me. General mass-socialising didn't really matter to me, so I didn't do it, but as a result also didn't meet many individuals who might have eventually mattered to me. I spent a long time studying various areas within my subject that mattered to me - sadly they were never on the syllabus.

I ended up rattling around a shared house full of people that I largely suspected of hating me, slowly sliding out of school, having only the few things that did matter to me sustain me in a life that increasingly didn't. Doing what mattered to me got me through, but doing so at the expense of what mattered to other people put me there in the first place.

Sadly, the gung-ho tone of the piece would be spoiled by a notice that any extreme either way would be bad, but I think it needs to be kept in mind.

It's a bit all over the place.

His general point - do what makes you happy is fine (if utterly obvious, but that's OK, we can do with being reminded of the obvious from time to time as it tends to slip our minds).

But "Caring for the opinion of those who I don't care for" doesn't really relate to your parents and peers does it? They are, surely, the people you do actually care for?

The reality is also that many people may not enjoy their shitty office job but they do enjoy the money and stability it brings. There are days I hate my job but I also love the fact it lets me head off on holiday from time to time, treat myself to nice things and so on. I also enjoy sleeping at night not worrying about making my next mortgage payment or feeding myself.

I have no issue with people saying follow your heart, and when people assess the full ramifications of what they're trying to do and go for it that's brilliant, but it does bug me when people weigh one situation only looking at the bad and the other only looking at the good.

It's sloppy and generally it will lead to bad decisions.

Read/watch "Into the Wild", but here is the spoiler: in the end, he realizes that he was being selfish and should have been working to make others happy.

To some extent this article captures that mentality. I think it is great to do what you love and what you are energized by. Eventually, you may not be so energized by those things and need a pivot, and when you do, follow that as much is as possible, if it is your life calling. Not everyone will have the various riches in life, but if you do what you can to do what you love, you'll be more fulfilled. However, doing what you love must involve doing things for others (a service-filled life). There is a balance here. If you hate your work, you cannot serve others adequately. However, if you are not serving others, you have not found your calling. imo humility, prayer, research, and action are the ways to find the right life.

I did watch 'into the wild', and I didn't see him realizing at all that he was selfish or should've done something different. We're talking about that movie where the guy treks into Alaska and ends up in the abandoned bus, right?

I wasn't quite sure what to take away from the film (apart from 'trekking without knowing what you're doing is really stupid') but I'm quite convinced that the makers didn't mean the film to be 'he thought he should've worked to make others happy'.

Watch it again. Page 132 of this version of the final script of the movie ( http://www.vantageguilds.com/itw/FinalScript_ITW.pdf ):

"Sunrise and nature awakens. Bird songs and flower blooms. A waterfall cascades. CUT TO: 245 INT. BUS - DAY 245 Chris reading Tolstoy’s Family Happiness. His POV: The page: what Chris reads: I have lived through much and now I think I have found what is needed for happiness. 132. A quiet, secluded life in the country with the possibility of being useful to people... CUT TO: 246 EXT. BUS - DAY 246 Chris sits amongst the pink bunches of fireweed choking the vehicles wheel wells, growing higher than the axles, his back leaning against the bus, finishing the reading of Family Happiness. ANGLE: Chris, reading with great interest. His POV: The page: what Chris reads: And then, on top of all that, you for a mate, and children, perhaps - what more can the heart of a man desire? ANGLE: Chris: He looks up from his book. A gentle breeze tickles morning flowers. The sunlight dances in a coppice of aspen and leaves of trees above. The sound of buzzing flies mutes. He is taking one last look at his paradise. CUT"

One last look at paradise. That means that he changed his mind about staying in the woods by himself after reading the following two parts of Tolstoy’s Family Happiness:

"I have lived through much and now I think I have found what is needed for happiness. A quiet, secluded life in the country with the possibility of being useful to people..."

and

"And then, on top of all that, you for a mate, and children, perhaps - what more can the heart of a man desire?"

what does prayer have to do with anything?

Awww, c'mon. He tried so hard not to preach during all of that - you can't just jump on the one little slip-up, the one word where he just couldn't stop himself from slipping in an advert for the big guy. It's programmed in, he did well only doing it once.

Please note that imo my faith is a choice, it isn't "programmed in".

Notice the "imo". Atheists can substitute the following for prayer: "thoughtful consideration of what you feel is right". imo, these two aren't equivalent, but it's the best suggestion I know to provide.

ok. can you make an argument for "doing things for others"? i think your comment makes an appeal to a principal most people would claim they share, but i wonder what an argument for doing so could be.

Appreciate the question, but any answer you may find highly debatable. I am not an expert in such things, nor much of anything for that matter.

However, my attempt at a response would be: "We should try to help others, if we have faith that this is our purpose." I have faith that helping others is my purpose.

I am also a hypocrite, because what I say and do don't always match. Take my opinions with a grain of salt if you must, but my faith is important to me.

> Take my opinions with a grain of salt if you must, but my faith is important to me.

fair enough, but some of what you said was very normative - for example:

> However, if you are not serving others, you have not found your calling.

in a neighboring post you also say

> Please note that imo my faith is a choice, it isn't "programmed in".

so if you suddenly decided not to hold that belief anymore, it would suddenly be valid not to help others?

But what about those of us who are stuck in a sticky situation? It's not as easy as you claim it is. We can't just "pick up the wrench" and be a mechanic. There's a lot of friction.

I agree with your poiny--but I guess what the author is trying to say is that it's all about taking the first step, and finding your True North. Otherwise, it's pointless in the end.

This seems like a rather short sighted approach to live by. The things that matter to you now will not neccessarily be the things that matter to you in the long run.

Still, having to earn money is a valid concern. Music does not seem to be a promising way to go about it.

Sure, it may not be promising as in the sense that it'll give you a stable income and what not, but if it's what you /love/, then why still do the menial stuff in your life, such as pleasing others and worrying about the small things? At least, that's the general trend I tend to see nowadays.

It merely served as an example, but I hope it gets the point across.

If you really love it, maybe you can also make money with music. But most of the time, it probably means busting your ass waiting in a restaurant, I suppose?

I am not saying you or the article is wrong. I am just struggling to implement the idea.

I have some visions for quitting my job (only been here 4 months anyway), and finding some projects that might be fun enough to make me endure them and still make money - coding, that is. But assuming music is really what it is at, I just don't see how I could survive doing it at the moment.

I actually had a pang of frustration recently, because I really always dreamed about making music, and haven't done much about it.

So suppose I would like to dedicate my life to music now, what do you suggest I should do? Data points: I am 38, baby will soon be around, monthly costs exceed 2000€ (rent+health insurance being major factors). I can play guitar in a dabbling way (certainly no guitar hero). I might be able to compose nice songs, but don't have experience with audio software yet. Money might last 6 to 8 months.

I suppose I could get by being a street musician (never tried it), but that wouldn't be that much fun, would it? Also with winter coming around, might not be a healthy choice.

I think what I will try is creating a game (if I can muster the courage to quit my job) and compose my own music for it. That would be a start... If it works out, maybe other people could pay me for composing music for them.

Another thing with music is that there are so many extremely talented people already. I might have some talent, but I am probably not the next Thom Yorke. Plus, I am already too old to build a teenage fan base (assuming teenagers are most open to trying new music). If common wisdom is true, it akes maybe 10 years to become as good as Thom Yorke? But I only have 8 months...

This actually makes me wonder, what about the Thom Yorkes of software development? Somehow they worry me less - they might code faster than me, but I can maybe still find niches for my software they don't cover.

Why do "the menial stuff"?

Because while people tend not to think about it much when they're in stable jobs, they also love not worrying about money, making the rent on time every month, being able to treat themselves and a bunch of other things that come with a regular pay cheque.

So please draw out a scenario for me, how to get by doing music.

I live in Berlin - I think a lot of people here just live on welfare. Maybe I could do that (my girl-friend+baby would kill me for it, but still). But even that would also be work (lots of bureaucracy, moving to a cheaper apartment, arduous shopping for cheap food).

Reread my post. I'm agreeing with you.

OK :-)

What an odd grab-bag of half-baked ideas. As far as I can tell, it seems to boil down to "don't listen to anybody else, don't compromise your dreams," which is fine-enough advice, I guess. Here's the trouble, though: other people, even people you can't stand at first, can help enormously in making dreams into reality. I personally dislike a couple of my high school teachers, but they were excellent, demanding instructors who shaped would I would become. I've had exacting, difficult clients who pushed me to make great products.

I'm worried that the OP's message ends up being, "you're a special little flower who doesn't need to listen to anybody." That's an easy brand of advice to sell, but doesn't generally result in fulfillment.

I think you shouldn't be hellbent on what you want to do till you enter other half of your twenties...I was not sure what do I really want to do for lifetime job and sticking to one thing is boring...socializing is kind of exploration. one shouldn't completely avoid it.

I don't think the advice was to avoid socializing. I think it's just to spend time socializing with people who care about or share values with.

The article didn't say how you're supposed to find those people in the first place though. I guess it assumes you were concentrating on pleasing others until this point, and have been exposed to different groups already.

> who you are going to entertain so you can advance the social ladder?

Okay.

> Why spend time worrying about that nonsense? It’s stupid. It’s a waste of time. Don’t go out of your way and waste your time for people and things you don’t care about.

What about the social ladder? What if popularity and money are important to you?

I cannot help to notice the "Likes" at the bottom of the post and the immediate loss of credibility.

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