Ask HN: Is anyone else living this depression cycle?
Then, you quit your job. Just to find out the next one is as meaningless as the previous one - with a company and colleagues who don't share your values.
You aren't good enough to land a job in one of the cool companies you admire. You think about improving your skills but, then, your life is basically spending 20 hours per day just for work, sleeping, and commute. You have 4 hours left for cooking, family, friends, house cleaning, improving your skills. People tell you aren't trying hard enough. You feel shitty, guilty, and even more depressed.
You think about quitting your job, create your own company, do something you're passionate about and that will help other people. But you realize your savings would be enough to cover only two months without working.
You spend nights without sleep, develop simple prototypes, show them to investors. They praise your idea but tell you the prototype is too simplistic and, if you really believe in your idea, you should work full-time on it.
You make a whole plan for quitting your job. Thinking about becoming a homeless for a few months but you give up. You aren't strong enough.
You ask your friends for help. But they don't understand how a software engineer doesn't have some savings. You look back to all the money spent helping your family (who is poor and live in a developing country). You could ignore them but you're too weak, too soft. You feel shitty - and more depressed again.
Then, you tell how you feel to other people. They whine about your whining reminding you how shitty you're for complaining about life, reminding you how weak you are. And, guess what, you get more depressed again.
This cycle keeps repeating itself until you see yourself sitting on your bed with a bunch of pills thinking about killing yourself.
Is anyone else living this same depression cycle?