What did work was a wire transfer. This was a $30 fee paid to Wells Fargo and on top of the $10 fee from Coinbase, making it cost $280 to credit my account with $240. Wells Fargo took 3x the fee and the conspiracy theorist in me believes this is their primary motivator for doing this. You can get your money out to do what you want with it, but not without a steeper penalty than the exchange. Now that this stance is official and if I hadn't lost money (to take a simple view, that $240 is now worth around $75) I'd be looking to open another account somewhere that doesn't try to tell me how to use my money. When I realize this other account at whatever mythical bank is somehow superior in every way, I would ditch them completely. It doesn't seem like the greatest move on their part but they could also be counting on the fact that I may never do this because of the hassle involved with changing everything over.