I grew up in a civil war, and my parents through a "regular" war, whatever that is. You, me, and they will never know the extent to which war has influenced our psyche for it is the only life we knew.

What I'm saying is that, emotionally, you owe it to yourself and your children to seek help and survive. Intellectually, you owe it to your brain to seek help and find a way to maximize options including being in a rut.

I hope I'm not being too insensitive.

Perhaps you are having PTSD or similar flashbacks. The episodes can start many years after the experiences that they relate to.