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Comment by frankwiles | Hacker News Reader

If your friends or coworkers seem off, check in on them.

Everyone needs to know it’s ok to not be ok.

I'll qualify that with - only if you know what you are doing.

If someone is struggling in the deep sea, dive in to help only if you have experience swimming in the deep sea. This stuff is not simple and can have lifelong negative effects on both parties if done wrong.

I don't think OP was implying you should attempt to counsel the person. You don't need experience to check in on friends and coworkers if they seem off. Ask them if they're having thoughts of hurting themselves. Listen to their answer. If they are, encourage them to seek professional help; whether that is giving them the information to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) or assisting in getting them in to see a mental health professional.

Has anyone done this and had success? As someone who has dealt with suicidal thoughts for years and continues to struggle with it, it wouldn’t do me any good. I’d lie and act like it’s a ridiculous question, and then I’d probably be binge drinking for the next week from the stress and paranoia from being “found out”.

I had success when someone did this for me fifteen years ago after years in the dark. I was also ashamed of my feelings and hid them as a result of the stigma in society. No two people experiences of mental illness are the same, but I'm glad someone said something. I lied and acted like it was a ridiculous question multiple times before I finally admitted to myself that I needed to commit to getting help. I'm glad I did. No two experiences are the same, but if you're interested in talking more about it my contact info is in my profile.

I had success in that I'm still alive.

I have called a suicide hotline. They determined that I was a danger to myself. The police came to my house and took me to a crisis center where I was held against my will for seventy-two hours where other unsupervised, unmedicated residents of a facility for observation before being released.

If I am ever suicidal again I'll just skip the suicide hotline. They were no help, and those seventy-two hours were the worst of my life.

Yeah, that’s pretty much been my experience with our “mental health care” system as well. Well, that and pills that don’t work (for me). Maybe it’s just the world that’s sick.

I have not found evidence to support this hypothesis. Unless you are grossly and spectacularly insensitive, I do not see a plausible mechanism by which simply starting a conversation could have "lifelong negative effects".

There is reasonably strong evidence to suggest that social connectedness has a substantial protective effect on suicide risk. Just asking "Hey, how are you?" and making time to listen can make a meaningful difference to someone in distress.

https://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/Suicide_Strategic...

I guess Bourdain didn't have anyone around him who could say 'how are you' right?

What is the point of this comment? Are you really disputing the idea that small acts of connection are meaningful (especially to lonely people)? This idea seems very noncontroversial to me.

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