>"Assuming the background estimation is correct, the p-value will only converge to zero if a true signal exists."
Aren't you assuming the background model is correct and a true signal exists?
>"Your null is specifically "no signal exists"."
No, it is never this. It is an entire model, one assumption of which is "no signal exists". The p-value doesn't care which assumption is wrong, it is only wishful thinking that leads to people focusing on that one.
>"We don't know that the null is flawed to begin with."
Sorry, I don't believe this. Give a concrete example. Do you believe the standard model is 100% correct? If not, then any background derived from it must be assumed to be flawed to begin with.
>"Things like malfunctioning equipment go into the uncertainties if they occur in a way that the researchers have considered (which often means uncertainties are set conservatively if the equipment behaviour is poorly understood). If they occur in a way that no one considered, there's no statistical trickery that's every going to compensate for that."
Correct, there is no statistical trickery to compensate for this. It is a scientific problem, not statistical.
Did you check out that Meehl paper I linked elsewhere?[1] If you take a prediction of a model and test that, messing up the experiment means you get results that diverge from your prediction. If you reverse the logic of science so that you test the "opposite" of your prediction, messing up the experiment yields results that seem to support your model. This is why the prediction of the theory needs to be set as the "hypothesis to be nullified".
[1] https://meehl.dl.umn.edu/sites/g/files/pua1696/f/074theoryte...