Spolsky vs DHH Rap Battle, feat. Zuck

Spolsky vs. DHH, feat. Zuck by Alonso Piranha

DHH's verses should be performed in the style of Eminem in "My Name Is," while Joel should sound like Jay-Z in "Hard Knock Life." Zuck should imitate Twista in "Overnight Celebrity." Based on http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1720050

  Joel:
  I'm calling you out, Hansson
  You think you're so smart, and you think you're so handsome
  But I'm holding your rep for ransom
  Stop fronting like you're the Wall Street Journal
  Your thoughts are as childish as some grafitti on a urinal
  Facebook is an empire you can't begin to comprehend
  And your contrarian attitude is just a passing trend
  
  DHH:
  Don't blame me 'cause you never had any friends
  You're just a nerdy teddy bear
  
  Joel:
  Well you look about 13 with that spiked-up hair
  
  DHH:
  Out of any group of hackers, I'm the slickest
  Plus I'm the only one here who understands business
  You think the price of one share is a meaningful statement?
  Then I've got a bridge in San Fran
  Could be yours with a small down payment
  Seriously dog, are you buying Zuck's crap?
  I guess you really are one hell of a sap
  
  Joel:
  You don't know the meaning of valuation
  SVN is just so much mental masturbation
  You wouldn't last a minute on the NYSE
  Those sharks would consume you mercilessly
  You wanna learn, hit up the Chi-town mercantile
  Until then try being quiet for a while
  But I bet you couldn't shut up if you tried
  'Cause then you'd have to face the emptiness inside
  Admit it, you're a second-rate entrepreneur
  And it drives your crazy, that's why you spit this manure
  Facebook is a cash cow, and it ain't just me who said it
  They're worth 33 billion, ain't you follow Reddit?
  Zuck's hard like a rhyme by Biggie, and you're weak like the radio edit
  
  DHH:
  If Facebook's making bank like MSFT
  Then why you think they need that Series E?
  Their worth is illusory
  If you can't see that, you're a looser, G
  Go ahead, invest in Facebook, be a sucker
  But between you and me
  Madoff ain't got nothing on Zucker
  We saw this all before in 1999
  But you don't have the vision to look back in time
  What can we learn from the past? Here's my Google Answer
  Stack Overflow's a bust, like a Libra with a Cancer
  
  Joel:
  First of all, Facebook didn't do Series E
  And furthermore, I can see Lady Liberty
  From my office on the 25th floor
  Your office overlooks a Goodwill store
  I was in the Israeli paratroopers
  While you sat in your skivvies watching bloopers
  You stay up all night tinkering with Rails
  While I'm up all night getting mad tail
  I'm a mature gentleman who understands how to scope stocks
  You're just an angry little kid with an Internet soapbox
  Rails is just a toy, not ready for prime-time
  Why else you think Twitter be down 'bout half the time?
  You wanna talk about Getting Real?
  I heard Twitter had to Rework their whole stack, you feel?
  
  DHH:
  I'm such a genius coder, they should give me an Oscar
  You're still slinging ASP like an impostor
  I made Ruby into a celebrity
  While you still wallow in Microsoft's complexity
  I'm the godfather of Ruby on Rails
  But you're straight up goofy like Soupy Sales
  I done wrote all the rules
  And I singlehandedly invented the new school
  But you're just an old man grappling with old tools
  You know what they say about some money and a fool?
  They'll soon be separated
  And when that happens to you, I'll be elated
  Joel on Software is way overrated
  Stack Overflow's the most uninventive site ever created
  It won't be but a year before your bank account's deflated
  When you come crying to me for a room and some food
  I'll throw you out like any homeless dude
  And you'll be sorry you ever hated
  
  Zuck:
  Hold it
  Get these two clowns off the stage
  I straight run this town 'cause I'm the sage
  Became a billionaire at the youngest age
  Got all your social lives in my cage
  Now you're in too deep, yeah you're up Fog's Creek
  And your 37 Signals can't compete
  With the 33 billions in my keep
  You can call me a creep
  'Cause I put your business in the street
  And your Facebook account just won't delete
  But that won't make me weep
  'Cause my earnings so steep
  I don't lose no sleep
  May the notion of privacy rest in peace
  Stop frontin' like some moguls, you should just retire
  Bow down and praise the glory of Zuck's empire