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I don't know enough Spanish to talk to that, but its definitely not Portuguese.

calleu d'una puta vegada

There is at least two words, calleu, and vegada that don't exist in any Portuguese I've encountered. Also, d'una is... not something I've seen in Portuguese before.

But I'm a new speaker so I may be missing something.

I found this slang for shut the fuck up in Portuguese, not sure how cromulent it is: https://en.bab.la/dictionary/english-portuguese/shut-the-fuc...

Definitely not Portuguese, you're right (source: I'm Brazilian.)

Thought as much, not enough a's at the ends tripped my spidey sense. >.<

It’s Catalan

They speak a lot of Catalan there so perhaps it's colored by that?

It is not "colored by" catalan. It is grammatically correct catalan.

Sweet. I've only been around the area enough to know they speak Catalan, not enough to recognize it when it's written. :)

It’s one of the dialects of Spanish they speak there.

Do you consider Portuguese to be a dialect of Spanish?

It’s actually quite the opposite IIRC