Comment by goodroot | Hacker News Reader

Comment by goodroot | Hacker News Reader

My partner and I both work remotely. We are lucky to be close to downtown Vancouver. We can take a SeaBus into town and venture to one of the many co-working facilities if we feel we would like to work in a more bustling environment. My partner has a dedicated desk at WeWork. I prefer the home office because I love being around our plants and I am prone to random bouts of meditation.

Remote working has allowed me to flourish socially. I have a recreational hockey team, we are part of a nice Yoga community, and given that we spend lots of time around our neighbourhood, we have met many friends, from the lady who cleans our building to the dude who owns the coffeeshop. Soon, I will be volunteering at the local hospice.

When you decouple social contact from work, the onus is on you to find a healthy replacement with the extra time and flexibility that remote life affords you. As is often the case when starting something new, you may find the first leap into a new social scene to be a harrowing experience. But it is rewarding! Much of this is because we live an urban life-style. I imagine being in a sub-urban neighbourhood might be much tricker to manage, as the people and amenities are further away. Consider how likely you are to stay working remotely. Perhaps a more "vibrant" area of town that allows you to walk to wonders might suit you better?

As an interim solution, my partner and I have both found that scheduling purely social calls, or 'no agenda, just banter' group video chats to be a fruitful means of connecting with the people with which we work.

I work remotely from downtown Vancouver as well and agree that it's a particularly good environment for remote work. I'm two blocks from the beach so at this time of the year it's great to be able to take a break from the computer and stroll down to the water.

Similar to what some others mentioned, I'm more of an introvert so I find remote work make me more social if anything as I don't "use up" my social energy being in an office and can instead use it more selectively on interactions that I get more value from.

You do have to be more proactive about socializing. I have a number of regular activities like krav maga classes, a personal trainer and have just taken up swing dancing with my girlfriend. It helps that I already had an established social circle, partly from previous office jobs, and I make an effort to see those friends reasonably often.

I know a few other remote workers too and I'll sometimes meet up with them for lunch or coffee, plus my girlfriend doesn't have a regular schedule so we'll sometimes meet for lunch in the week.

Overall I'm much happier remote working and would have a hard time ever going back to non remote work.

I too am remote in BC (Quadra Island), though will be visiting Vancouver next week to finally meet my manager. Having a life, social and otherwise, outside of work is absolutely important. The non-office environment permits a certain flexibility time-wise, so it's sometimes convenient to walk the dogs down to the store. I can see people there, as well as at the gym after work, or at other activities.

My employer has many remote employees, so there isn't so much of an in-office vs out culture, and various chat, email and meeting technologies make it convenient to "meet". To that end, our group has just started doing a cameras-on meeting every other week or so. The idea is to get more of a face to face aspect, for those who need more of that sort of contact.

I am not as extroverted, so working remote has actually made me less proactive about going out. I'm not much into athletic activities, or meeting up with strangers, and I find solo activities/hobbies more interesting most of the time.

To be honest I think it's done a number on my social skills. Ever since I worked remotely I have not been able to do well on interviews as I used to. When I started out my career, it took me 3 months to get my first job as a programmer. Now, I've been interviewing for 3 years and counting. Seems like I sound kinda "off" with all the people I've interviewed with since in the few times I have gotten feedback, they say I sound nervous. 3 years of interviewing practice (I consider every real interview to also count as "practice") has not made much progress it seems.

I haven't put much effort in meeting new people. The only people I talk to today are my close relatives and two of my closest friends. And no partner to lean on socially. In fact I have never had a serious relationship in my 36 years of living. Would you consider this par on course for an introvert working remotely, or am I taking social reclusion too far?

I would not consider myself an extrovert. I am much more inclined to introversion. But as @mattnewport said in response to me...

> Similar to what some others mentioned, I'm more of an introvert so I find remote work makes me more social if anything as I don't "use up" my social energy being in an office and can instead use it more selectively on interactions that I get more value from.

I think this is key. Offices used to make me feel exhausted. I recall coming home from work and plummeting into a "crash nap" for an hour so that I could salvage my evenings. I worked hard to build my life so that I can move at a much slower pace and take things in a flow that works well for me.

But to your question: is what you are describing par for the course for an introvert working remotely, or are you taking social reclusion too far...

There seems to be two things afoot:

* You have been interviewing for a long while without success.

* You feel lonely and, in a way, depreciating, because of your confined way of being.

As for interviewing... I would agree that actual interviews _are_ practice - the best kind! But I am curious as to the other type of practice that you are doing. Are you working with other people to help you or are you studying textbooks like 'Cracking the Coding Interview'? We all feel a bit weird about recruiters, but there are services that will help you polish your people skills.

As for reclusiveness... It sounds like you might be taking it to an extreme. There are studies that pop-up on HN often about the benefits of social contact towards well-being and longevity. There is also intuitive proof; we feel much better when we have social validation. The inverse is depressing. I empathize. It sounds like you are having a tough time.

I would challenge a limiting belief like introversion. That is not a good reason for making yourself suffer alone. It might be time to write a narrative for yourself where you _are_ into athletic activities, meeting up with strangers, and being open to healthy and fruitful relationships. When you take care of yourself it will shine through in all that you do.

Thanks for sharing this, some good ideas for all of us!

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