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Comment by TipVFL | Hacker News Reader

I recently realized that when I have negative thoughts about myself or the future I feel like I'm listening to my logic and reason, but when the thoughts are positive I just brush it off as wishful thinking. Which has lead me to a life where I dread imaginary events that never happen, and don't let myself look forward to anything or fantasize about possibilities.

I think it started as a measure of self protection after a long string of broken promises when I was a kid, but it's a shitty way to live. My biggest realization was just that pessimism is no more logical than optimism.

My solution has been to give equal time to positive thoughts. So, if I find myself thinking for a couple minutes about how something might go horribly wrong, I spend the next couple minutes imagining what the best case scenario would be like.

I'm basically forcing hope back into my life.

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Maintaining a gratitude journal is an excellent way to help bring yourself into the present and acknowledge what is positive in the here and now (or at least close enough to it to begin with). Once you build a habit around it it's easier for that positivity to spread further.

It helps you realise that a lot of positive stuff will happen during your day that you don't notice, because the anxiety about what the future might hold dominates your attention. Even if it's as simple as making toast with that perfect level of crunchiness, or saying good morning to someone and noticing a smile.

I'm a strong advocate of finding a therapist you trust, though. These things can help a great deal on the surface, which is fantastic, but it's important to have somebody there if your awareness goes deeper into your past, which is where the 'why' is.

I thought I'd be too cynical for gratitude journals but it turns out the a bit of ducking [0] brings up a couple of posts just for the likes of me: [1] [2]

[0]: https://duckduckgo.com/?q=cynic+gratitude+journal

[1]: https://theweek.com/articles/734555/how-overcome-inner-cynic...

[2]: https://medium.com/the-mission/gratitude-journaling-for-cyni...

I've read that predictions on the future made by pessimists end up closer to reality than by optimists. It might make sense to plan for the worst from a practical perspective, to limit unnecessary risks. But on the other hand, people with really low expectations are usually not super happy when something turns out better than expected, they just find something else to complain about.

Being optimistic, without setting expectations so high that you're constantly disappointed, seems to be a more pleasurable way to live your life. Also, the consequences of failure to meet whatever high standards self-critical people put on themselves are rarely as bad as you think before it happens.

I like your way of finding some balance between being pessimistic and optimistic.

Self fulfilling prophecy

> But on the other hand, people with really low expectations are usually not super happy when something turns out better than expected

I don't know, in my experience having high expectations seems to set you up for a higher fall and a lower upside, thus leading to less happiness. I have generally quite low expectations and am generally quite happy. Some people around me have generally much higher expectations and are generally quite unhappy. The things in life where I do have some higher expectations about are also the things I'm the least happy about.

> I don't know, in my experience having high expectations seems to set you up for a higher fall and a lower upside, thus leading to less happiness.

I used to feel this way, but I no longer think that optimism and expectation have to be that closely linked. To me optimism is about having hope, not expectations. Similarly, my pessimism isn't about what I expect to happen, it's about what I fear happening.

So, I choose to balance my fear and hope.

ALso, as an optimist that misses a high goal, you may still end up in a great place. A pessimist that achieves his may not end up where he really wanted to be.

Predictions of the future made by pessimists lead to a life of no mistakes, but neither do they take you anywhere new. It's just like living a suburban life all of your life: you'll never learn what's outside your neighborhood. Or take larger corporations: they stop making any existential risks, and tend to slowly die in the next 50-100 years.

On the second part: or you could just set high expectations and learn how to live in a constant disappointment without being any less happy because of it.

You're not alone. Innovation and improvement can only exist in cultivating a mindset of possibility.

>>> Innovation and improvement

Why do people always bring that in ? Suffering of the same stuff described in parent posts, I tend to focus on stability and appreciation of what is here and now. I guess it's another way to cope with it.

well said .

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