Ask HN: How do you recover from repeated interview rejections?

If you pass screening rounds but not on-site, you may need to work on how you present yourself. On-site interviews are just as much about how much they like you and want to work with you as it is about acing the technical screening side.

Some red flags for on-sites:

- if you do not attempt to develop rapport before, during, or after the interview

- if you are any of the following: conflict-insensitive, overly-quiet, don't explain yourself or your decisions well, only show answers and not the thought process, take no initiative / force the other party to initiate all conversation topics, etc.

- a sub-par communicator technically or otherwise. This usually means that you don't respond in the correct way to cues that people give out. As an example, if a person asks an open ended question, they likely want to put the ball in your court and have you sell yourself or confidently take the topic and run with it. If you answer tersely with very little knowledge shared, that's probably a failed communication interaction. Too many of those can lead to a no hire decision.

I think this problem is magnified with older candidates because the expectation for being a great communicator is higher the older you are.

Usually star candidates communicate very well and have the technical chops to back it up, not the other way around. Plenty of technically strong people are hindered in their effectiveness in an org by their sub-par communication abilities.

OP here (lost original handle)

All valid points. Thanks! yes, communication is definitely an issue. I also have this problem especially when the interviewer does not engage in the solution/conversation, I get thrown off, lose focus, and its all downhill from there.

This is great, and something I think a lot of the tech community at large tends to forget.

Being technically proficient is the bare minimum, not the only desired quality.

People forget that interviewing is part knowledge/skill screen, and part first date. You have to know your stuff, of course, but you also have to be someone that others want to be around.

This is not to say that OP lacks these skills, but there is so much focus in tech community around passing technical questions and almost 0 focus on normal interview skills.

The soft/personal skills side of interview is more art than science.

My recommendation is to practice the social side as much as possible. Interview for non-tech positions, hire an interview coach, or otherwise exercise soft social skills as much as possible.

Also remember that at the end of the day, you are being judged against all the other candidates and each hiring manager has a hidden set biases that you will never know about. Even if you crush the interview, there's still a chance they just might not like you.

Swallow your pride, always be questioning what you are doing and how you can do better, and never give up.

It can be discouraging to read sites like HN where everyone and their dog seems to have 18 different offers from Google/Facebook/etc with recruiters begging at their feet. This is far from the norm.

I went through a similar phase before my current employer - I had only ever worked for agencies/tiny family run companies/etc, and I wanted to work for a real, “legit” company. This resulted into rejection upon rejection, even when I thought I had nailed the interview. I remember one that hurt pretty hard - I got scouted by Airbnb because I had given a talk at a fairly large, reputable conference, and their VP Eng at the time reached out to me. On top of that, I got recommended by a friend who used to work there and whom I believe to be one of the very best engineers I have ever met. I know he wouldn’t have recommended me if he didn’t sincerely believe I would have been a good fit. Halfway through the day of on site interviews, the recruiter comes in the room and tells me that they’re not going to move forward, and that I can go home. (my friend met me downstairs for a cigarette right after, and while I do not regularly smoke this was one of the best cigarettes I ever had).

Lowering your standards and interviewing for companies that don’t seem that interesting is probably a good idea too - extra practice, and even if you get an offer that you don’t accept, it’ll make you feel a bit better.

I will say that not having a top institution (either college or employer) on your resume definitely gives you a huge handicap, especially in the Bay Area. All my schools/employers at the time were names no one had ever heard of, and it definitely felt like I was in a different world compared to friends who had gone to Stanford/MIT/Google/etc.

In the end, I found a position with a team that was ideal for me, but yeah - it took a lot of sweat, effort, and perseverance.

Your age probably does not work in favor (sorry about that). Keep interviewing, and do publicly viewable things (open source contributions, blog posts, conference talks, etc) - these will not only help you stand out, but will also help you feel good about achieving something, because one certainly does not get that from interviewing.

Good luck.

Thank for the advice. I have been in the exact same "recruiter coming in midway.." situation earlier in the process. Its funny and sad.

To answer the question of how to recover from repeated interview rejections, find people that have the same or similar experiences which will help you recognize how capricious the hiring process is. My wife and I have both been recently turned down for positions, at different companies, after going through the full process and being told that we should expect an offer soon. We now laugh about it and expect to get turned down when all the stars are aligned. As a result, I only apply to positions where I am interested in talking with the people that work there so I at least get to enjoy that aspect.

At your age, I am assuming you have commensurate experience, so your school should not matter at all.

Any good recruiter should be able to see the qualities somebody of your experience will bring to the table - a holistic view of software development and understanding of things like technical debt, good communication, ability to get along with people from different functional areas, and so on. Maybe you need to work on making these apparent to the interviewers? I don't think anybody would be looking at your tech skills alone.

First, make sure to diagnose the problem correctly. It seems like you have good communication skills so I doubt it’s that. Second, especially at your age, develop your sense of self worth to the extent that you don’t care if you get rejected, it’s their mistake.

Build something.

Given reason for rejection? Skill or fit?

OP here (lost original handle)

Most don't give any feedback for rejection

Can you drop me a email to pacificleo-at-gmail-dot-com I might be able to help