Bought my own Surfboard and TP-Link router and installed DDWRT and have been free of most issues since then except one. I randomly lost internet connection once and tried everything that I could to get it back up and running. Finally got a technician out and he showed me that sometimes you have to keep the power on the surfboard and only unplug/replug the coaxial cable to the wall and then it will start working again. I had never seen an issue like that before in my life and I'm still trying to figure out why that fixed it.
The EOL list serves two functions. They will remotely update the firmware of supported modems using the TFTP interface and the will validate supported modems on their network for the speeds offered by the modem. When your modem falls onto the EOL list it is no longer updated and they cannot guarantee your speed. The former is a security concern for them, and the later is more of a nuisance if you upgrade your service to a tier your modem can't achieve on their network.
ISPs manage Cable Modems regardless of who owns them. It's part of the subscriber agreement.
If you have an all-in-one device that is a cable modem, router, switch, and wifi ap all-in-one; the cable modem is still managed by the ISP.
Is there a way to get the modem as a discrete component, rather than integrated into these all-in-one things?