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Can we be like Shopify but with more baggage? I think there were better options here.

"We want to buy Shopify but we can pay 1/10th of Shopify's valuation"

I think Magento is "fairly priced" priced at ~10% of Shopify's valuation

The code is already Adobe Quality and with a horrifically overengineered database layer to boot. They'll get along just fine.