One thing though:. She has described to me some of the male coders as being "creepers".
When I asked for specifics, she couldn't provide them. She simply stated it was a "feeling".
The one commonality I found with the creepers is that they are pretty clearly below average in looks. The question is whether this is a correlation or a casual factor.
But definitely challenged her to try to focus on actions rather than "vibes".
https://twitter.com/ekp/status/991817194987114496
I frankly found this shocking and absolutely disgusting.
There are geeks and bros and attractive and unattractive men in both columns; but geeks who aren't good at decoding and reacting appropriately to subtle social cues tend to trigger this reaction more often than bros whose social facility masks an underlying lack of respect for bodily and emotional autonomy.
You’re dealing with another person sharing something that is probably emotionally difficult for them to say. I’d suggest a subtler approach than immediately busting in with the evidence requests. It’s a slower process which is neither immediately believing or disbelieving the accusation but taking it seriously. Being open to the possibility and seeing where it leads rather than shutting things down because it’s uncomfortable. Because presumably the woman is also someone you know that you wouldn’t want to be hurt as well.
But thanks for assuming.
It's both. There was, in our ancestor's state-of-nature, a very high social and reproductive opportunity cost associated with the worst possible actions of a "below-par" male. This would have been true even before the advent of language. Furthermore, note that the opposite of the above is true with an "above-par" male. I think this explains a lot of female behavior with respect to men who are more and less attractive.
One question there was along the line "What would you do if a boy you don't know came next to you and said you are pretty". One answer was: "If he was cute I would make out with him, if not I would yell: Get lost freak".
Later that same woman described (to another woman) that the man had been "creeping on her calendar". If it weren't for society's deference to women's feelings, that would probably be read as a hostile comment.
If you're a man go into public with a woman and get her to cry. Measure how long it takes until someone angrily asks you "what did you do".
[0] adult men also cry, but when they do so in public it is usually interpreted in radically different fashion...