Of course in the friend case I think it's more of a function of your local environment than anything else. At the same company I've experienced a large difference in the local atmosphere between the Seattle and Vancouver offices, the Vancouver office was quite a bit more welcoming and more people would randomly introduce themselves.
I think it's more natural to work closely with someone of your same gender, at least when they're a stranger. I'm not blaming men (or women) for that - I'm just describing how that can lead to unintentional exclusion, which is particularly painful for students who values inclusion a lot.
Boys are hammered with messages about sexual misconduct, and so even ones without any such intentions want to avoid the mere perception that anything is going on.
Think about it. A considerate well intentioned person might mistakenly overcompensate and give too little attention to female colleagues, while an inconsiderate person who doesn't care about gender politics will keep doing what they were doing all along. The result is that the ratio of unwanted/wanted attention goes up, even as total attention goes down.
This general principle is called "the asshole filter"[1] and it applies to all sorts of social interactions, not just sexual harassment.
"Include her, ask her for advice, introduce her, learn about her work and her life in the same way you would with any male friend or coworker. If you’re an investor, professor, journalist, or manager, take it on yourself to sponsor a young woman’s career."
I've done a number of those things over many years, and found it very rewarding -- both in the interactions with my individual colleagues, and in how it affected the wider teams.
I'm not sure what you mean? Why would the women be inherently attractive as lab partners?
Many men in the lab would probably think that the women would be weaker, or wouldn't know how to interact with them, so wouldn't want them as lab partners.
And the men may have a higher chance of knowing each other already from outside the class in sports teams and fraternities, so they would team up with people they already know rather than someone they didn't.
But lots of men definitely do think women are likely to be weaker in computer science. I don't know why they think that - you'd have to ask them?
Yes I can. It's completely reasonable to be observe something even if you can't offer an explanation.
I don't know why some people are racist but I can see that they are.
I don't know why some people are sexist but I can see that they are.
I don't know why some people think women are inherently weaker at computer science, but I can see that they do think that by what they say and do.
If you're presenting that they don't, where is that information coming from?
I don't know how to break this to you... but a lot of people in this world unfortunately discriminate against people based on gender, either consciously or unconsciously.
> where is that information coming from
To give you a concrete example, I was at a conference just recently where the speaker took questions from the audience and when a man asked a question the answer was highly technical, and when a woman asked a similar question the answer was patronising and non-technical as if he thought the woman wouldn't understand like the men did. It was really obvious, and there was no other variable. I see this kind of thing all the time.
I don't know what more to tell you - if you can't see any evidence of men making assumptions that a women isn't going to be as competent in computer science just based on her gender then I think you must be blind to what is happening around you.
Eh, that sounds a bit like those lab partners may have had dubious motivations.
I figure it's on those of us who strive for the highest degree of professionalism to take the lead on inclusion.
A: Dudes, go befriend a girl, include her! It's not creepy!
B: My anecdata experience suggests girls in my lab, where they were in minority, had no problem being included if they wished to, dudes were very eager to do it.
C: Motivations of those dudes sound very dubious and creepy!
Yup, yup.
To preclude the question, yes those girls did get asked for a date every now and then. If that’s wrong, I don’t want to be right.
Does it mean something else?
There are lots of other people who don't feel such an extreme level of fear and discomfort, yet who probably could do more in terms of inclusion. Those are the people I hope the author of this article reaches.
I hope the many commenters on this article who feel so uncomfortable with female colleagues do find some way to improve their situation though -- their alienation is bad for them, bad for women, bad for all of us collectively.