Anything I've read suggest japanese women generally prefer leaving the workforce to stay home and raise kids.
A female student of mine at another large company originally planned to quit soon after she married because she imagined working together side by side with her husband at his family's business. After moving in with her husband's family, however, she found out they expected her to stay home and cook and clean all day (while at the same time her husband's adult sisters went out and enjoyed themselves and did no housework). She then regretted giving her notice to quit at her original job and wished she could keep working there.
Smaller companies I later worked at least had married female employees although I never heard of any of them also having children.
1. Your workplace will marginalize you for having children if you're a woman.
2. The cost of childcare may be so high, compared to your wages, that it makes more sense for one parent to quit their job, and raise the children. See, also: 1 for why there are few stay-at-home dads.
3. Social expectations from your family.
People temper their expectations to what they can get out of life. It's easier then a lifetime of disappointment.
One Japanese woman I met's solution to this discrimination was to start her own company (an architecture firm). Others I knew did freelance work such as photography.
In Japan traditional gender roles are a lot stronger than they currently are in the west. Trans gender (and similar -- I apologise if I am getting the terminology wrong since I'm largely ignorant of appropriate language) culture is widely accepted in the media, but not terribly accepted in wider society yet. The idea that men and women are the same is antithetical to Japanese culture. If you think about gender roles being 1950's American ideals (think "Leave it to Beaver", etc) you'd be pretty close.
By and large Japanese people like it this way. Feminism is a dirty word, even amongst women as it is considered to be "too pushy". Things like wage parity are very slowly being addressed. Sexual harassment is being addressed at a much quicker pace and these days I think the vast majority of people consider it to be completely unacceptable. 10 years ago, when I first came here, I think the attitude would have been more, "It's not good, but what can you do".
When I was teaching English at the local high school, the vast majority of female students said that their ultimate career goal was "housewife/mother". Some of my expat colleagues found this horrifying and even lectured their students not to "waste their life". This caused a minor uprising as Japanese people regard "housewife/mother" to be a very important role in society. Many students were upset about the message they were getting.
Young women in Japan have a strangely powerful position in society. Women in Japan get married very late compared to western countries. This is one of the reasons for the low birthrate. Usually they live with their parents and contribute little or nothing to family income. They work until they decide to have children (usually in their early 30's) and then retire from work. As a woman, your 20's are where you are most free -- this is contrasted with men, where your 20's are where you are least free because you have to get your career going.
In this way young women in Japan control most of the disposable income -- and you can see that in the types of luxury goods. Fashion, makeup, etc are very popular and very expensive. Young women also travel a lot and travel agencies are geared towards catering to small groups of young women.
When women get married, they often have children fairly quickly. They assume the running of the household and handle all of the finances. It is completely normal for men to not have access to any money other than pocket money given to them by their wives. Lately people have credit cards, but again 10 years ago they were quite rare (especially in rural Japan where I live). Men usually didn't even have bank cards. For men, life is work to provide money for the household. For women, life is running the household.
I hope it's a little easier to see that with that perspective being a housewife/mother is a fairly good life. Many young women choose this life because they can't see themselves devoting their lives to a meaningless job that just provides money. You could easily ask what the purpose would be, unless the husband is at home looking after the household.
There are more "househusbands" than there used to be. As I work from home, I see them running errands occasionally. Often they tend to be of foreign origin with Japanese wives. A few years ago the mayor of Osaka actually took paternity leave and stated that all fathers should do so. It resonated well in the circles in which I travel, but I still don't see anyone else taking paternity leave. Maybe in a few more decades.
Generally speaking, men like "men stuff" and women like "women stuff". Being cute and girly is considered a good thing if you are a woman. Being gruff and tough is considered a good thing if you are a man. I don't know if that will ever change (even though I know many people who find it objectionable).
About six month ago you helped me through the "minefield" of eating as a gajin in Japan.
Let's call it a rousing success (it helps if you even like natto, but I digress).
Let me state for the record that your posts are shear awesomeness in contents and the amount of information provided.
Thanks!
BTW: I happen to be in Japan again and just survived golden week. I'm using the most important word you taught me quite often. It's that magic key that opens all culinary doors:
oiishi!
Unfortunately I can't find a way to link to the reply I was referring to so here's his Help-A-Gajin-Whos-Shitting-His-Pants-Cause-He-Has-No-Clue-About-How-To-Order-Food-In-A-Weird-Language (he does now) in all its glory (I hope, Mike, that you don't mind. But I couldn't imagine why you would and if somebody who's going to Japan anytime soon reads this. Let me assure you this is all you need if you want to eat well)
I still consider it one of the most incredible things ever happened to me on the internet.
(edited to add: The copy paste formatting is weird, sorry for that)
Anyway, here we go:
"I've gone to several sushi places in large centres, but nothing compares to my favourite place in my home town. It's kind of opposite to my initial gut feeling, but it makes sense in a strange way. In large cities, there are enough people to sustain mediocre restaurants. The top restaurants command really high prices, but you can survive if you are willing to charge less. In small towns, nobody has much money and they all eat at home. If you want to survive, you have to be amazing. So if you find yourself in a small port town, chances are the local sushi restaurant will be amazing. The other really important thing to realise is that really, really great food is often available in incredibly unassuming places. The restaurant will be 50 years old, will be onto it's third generation of master, and will be falling apart on the outside. But the food will be incredible. So it's super hard to tell where to go. A couple of things might help. First you should know a few kanji: 営業中 means "open for business". 準備中 means "preparing" (not open at the moment). The easiest way to distinguish it is to look at the first character. If it looks like a fat guy with his hair on fire, that's open :-) Next, quite a lot of great eating establishments are also drinking establishments. Especially if you want to eat and drink at the same time (which I recommend highly). The thing to look for is 居酒屋 (izakaya -- bar/pub). Not sure how to remember it. Write it on your hand :-). People will be impressed if they see it! Often this will be written on an orange paper lantern outside the establishment. Stay away from things called "pub" or "snack". Those are drinking establishments, but are really hostess clubs and the food is terrible. Another thing to look for is a noren. Here you can see an image of one [0]. When shops are in business, the noren will be displayed out like that. When they are closed, they will either be taken down, or displayed behind a closed window. The best thing to do to find good restaurants is to ask for recommendations from the hotel where you are staying. It's important to indicate that you are looking for an actually good place and not one catering to tourists. It may be slightly difficult to communicate that. The main concern is that because you don't speak Japanese, you won't be comfortable in a Japanese establishment -- especially if you can't read the menu. If you can't manage to get an answer from the hotel staff (often they are afraid to make a mistake), the way to go is simply to have courage and wander into likely looking establishments. Extremely good restaurants don't cater to tourists. They won't have menus with pictures on them. They won't won't won't have menus with English. They won't speak English. They spend all of their time thinking about food, not sales. You have to break down the barrier with your own courage. It'll be fine, don't worry :-) And if it isn't, they will be very polite as they usher you out the door ;-). Some very quick useful Japanese: When you enter, it's useful to say, "Aite imasuka?", which means "Are you open?". If they cross their arms in an X pattern, it means it's no good. Otherwise it's probably OK :-) If they are willing to seat you they will say, "Nan me sama?" (How many people?). Just hold up the appropriate number of fingers. Again, if it's no good, they will cross their arms in an X pattern. When ordering, draft beer is "Nama". Sake is "Nihonshu". Something stronger is "Shochu". But you can probably get away with ordering "Whiskey" or "Wine", etc. Carbonated fruit flavoured alcoholic drinks are called "Sawaa" (sour) or "Chuhai". If you want to stay away from alcohol, the mainstay is usually "ooloncha" (oolong tea). You can also order "cora" (cola), etc. For food, just ask for a suggestion: "Osusume wa nan desu ka?" (What is your recommendation). Whatever they say, respond with "Hai. Onegai shimasu". ("Yes, please") It'll be great. Even if they just asked you a question, by responding with "Yes, please" you will establish that you have no freaking clue what they are saying and that they should just give you food. As you eat, it's good to smile and remark "Oishii!" (Delicious!). Shop owners are very concerned when foreigners enter because they don't know how to please you. If you are visibly happy, they will also be happy. It diffuses a lot of problems. Usually they will give you a lot of special free food (or sometimes they will give you a lot of special, expensive food that you will pay for ;-) But they will love you!) Unless you have food allergies do not ask for substitutions or customisation!!!!! Japanese restaurants can't deal with this. The server's brain will melt. If you press the subject, they will sadly go back to the kitchen where the chef's brain will melt. After a very long time, they will come back and ask what they can possibly do. If you press the subject, they will probably cry. Don't do it! If you have an allergy, say "Arerugi nan desu!" (I have an allergy) and try to describe it as best as possible (Best to have it printed in Japanese before you go so you can flash it to them). Since you were asking about sushi, the kanji for sushi is 寿司. The best sushi restaurants will not put that on a sign because they are the best sushi restaurant in the area and everybody knows it's a sushi restaurant (which is why you need to get a recommendation). Unless you want to try kaiten shushi (conveyor belt sushi -- which is actually quite fun, despite the terrible food) say away from 回転寿司 restaurants. Again, if it has photographs of food, or English menus, it might be good, but it won't be at the top. Also, don't look for modern, glitzy, fancy restaurants. Look for "It seems to have been around since 1950 and they haven't painted the exterior once". But the inside will be nice. Other than than, just relax, have courage and enjoy your trip! The food here is amazing virtually everywhere. On a 3 1/2 week trip you will see and do a lot of great stuff (I envy you going up to Hokkaido -- especially by train). Keep in mind that every small town is incredibly proud of its local produce and cuisine. They will want to impress you with it. Just take it in and appreciate it. If you do, people will respond with more kindness than you can imagine. Hope that helps!"
Some women will say they want to become housewives even if they don't. Some women will deliberately act dumb when they go on dates, because they'll get dumped on the spot if they show any signs of personal ambition. If you can cultivate some close friendships with educated Japanese women, you will start to discover some of this anguish hiding behind the smiling faces. (Use the power of your gaijin naivete role to solicit candid opinions.)
The majority of Japanese women probably do share the desires and motivations described in your write-up. But there's a large population of more...professionally willing...women who are kinda trapped by overwhelming social expectations. The whole point here is that those women who might otherwise desire a career (they exist!), and who might otherwise make great contributions to Japan, are instead severely limited in their options.
The situation is slowly changing over time. Women are taking more professional roles. As in the example of my friend, the glass ceilings are slowly disappearing. Her company, a traditional Japanese company, seems to have no trouble recognising her ability and putting her in appropriate positions. There is still a long way to go, though.
Let's not pretend that it's all unicorns and rainbows in the west, though. In nearly 30 years as a programmer, I could chop off all my fingers and still count the number of women colleagues who have returned from maternity leave in my groups on one hand. It's never happened! Every single one of them swears up and down that they are coming back, but every single time when their maternity leave is over: "My husband's salary is enough for us to live on. Child care costs a huge proportion of my salary and I can't find anyone I trust anyway. Plus after a year of looking after my baby I don't want to hand them over to anyone". I'm completely sick of it. We need paternity leave laws (so that the stay at home father is a viable alternative) and we need them now.
Late Edit: I really should point out that there is just as much of a problem for men as there is for women in Japanese society. Men just don't get access to their children because they are expected to devote their lives to work. It is not uncommon for wives to push men to work harder so that the family can have more money. Some men thrive in that environment, but some would really like to be spending time with their families. To a great extent, the government has recognised this problem and it legislates ever more national holidays, forces public officers to take 5 days off at Obon, etc, etc. But the culture is very slow to react. This is Japan. Nobody moves until there is consensus and then everything happens overnight. With all it's problems, Japan is still the place where I feel people are all aligned with the idea of making society a better place. I don't agree with everything here, but I respect the slow but inevitable progress that society makes here. YMMV (and probably will -- my natural attitude was always very close to Japanese ideas even before I knew anything about them. It's one of the reasons I find it so easy to live here).
I bet a lot of people don't want to do it, but Japanese culture is not kind to someone who stand out from the group, so...