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Comment by tyingq | Hacker News Reader

There is a strong draw for many of us. It's the only reasonable way I have to see pictures and updates from my family that's pretty far flung across the world. Convincing all my kids, grandkids, siblings, cousins, in laws, nieces, nephews, etc to move away from FB isn't really practical. I do use FB mostly read only, but there isn't really a way for me to leave.

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> but there isn't really a way for me to leave.

You speak as if you have no agency in the situation. But, you do have agency. Using, or not using, facebook is 100%, entirely your choice. There was a happy (happier?) world before 2005, where families shared photos and stayed in touch, without Mark Zuckerberg.

Yes, I have the agency to lose touch with people I care about, because it's not practical for me to convince them all to use a different medium. It is the FB moat. It's real.

I decided to do this a long time ago. I use the phone the normal way and other real social settings to keep up with my friends. I'm at my stress limit already since long so this wasn't such a hard decision. My well beeing and my familys goes before anything else. Avoid a burnout, it's very damaging to your world when it hits you.

So people who don't use facebook aren't in touch with people they care about? There is no moat, only an FB blindfold. It's just a product. If it's not serving you well, drop it. Better ones will arrive faster than we blink.

That's just so black and white. I could muster an effort and get some of what I get from FB via other angles, sure. And yes, there are some relatives that aren't on FB, but for me, that's the exception, not the rule.

But it is just so naive to assume I wouldn't miss out on notable pictures and news of people I love by opting out. Facebook does have some value. We're not just purely idiots. We get the trade-off. Hard opting out would have real downsides for me.

If you care about these people as much as you think, not having Facebook is not going to prevent you from continuing to do that.

That's not fair. Forcing them to update me, and only me, via a second channel isn't "care".

It hasn't been a choice for a long time. 10 years ago I started getting emails from facebook showing me others that I knew that had shared their address books with facebook, giving them my name and other contact details. Mapping all my friends together if they use facebook or not. Tagging friends on images uploaded to facebook. Visiting pages that have the facebook pixel on them.

After a few months of nagging I've now moved all messaging of facebook properties and over to other channels, mostly to Telegram.

It took time but everybody is happy now : )

I still sometimes miss the family blig we used to have but updates are more frequent and the threshold for contributing is lower than it used to be.

you would live a longer, healthier life without those pictures, at least as presented in that medium. How many pictures of kids covered in chocolate cake do you need?

I'm guessing you don't have adult children, nieces, nephews or grandkids? There isn't any number of pictures, stories, etc of them I wouldn't look at and that wouldn't please me more than anything else.

To be fair, I shared your attitude in my 20's. My mother would snail mail a yearly newsletter with printed pictures and I yawned at the effort.

Fair enough, mine are 16 and 13, so perhaps I'm a little child-worn right now.

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