I think you’ll find people are insular everywhere. The only thing that might be different in NYC is that more people didn’t grow up there and are transplants.
Also most stereotypes have some truth to them, otherwise they wouldn't be stereotypes.
E.g. IIRC Southern states come last in education ranking.
And your wealthy southern suburbs will outperform or rival any posh LA or NYC school district.
Try hanging out with more diverse typical immigrant and native lower middle class to middle class new yorkers, not just other several-generation upper middle class suburban new englanders and transplants from the midwest and rest of the country which are a minority in NYC... You'll be pleasantly surprised.
Basically, hang out with non software tech people :)