So, here's a question. I'm a small self-hoster, US-based. If the "London police" come calling asking for my data, what repercussions do I face if I just say "No"?
It's important to note that the CLOUD Act does not compel you to respond, it permits you to do so where you were prohibited before under US law.
I am a lawyer, but certainly not yours.
You could get away with saying No. As long as the UK doesn't talk to the US and ask them to turn you over (which likely requires some serious criminal activity rather than curiosity).
The most the UK government would probably do is issue a Mutual Legal Assistance Treaty request with the US government, who would then go get a warrant and serve that on you, which you would have to respond to.