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Comment by CalRobert | Hacker News Reader

"Not to mention how expensive large vans/suvs are to actually drive them around. "

Just driving is pretty expensive. Not owning a car saves loads. Unfortunately, it usually takes a lot of money to live somewhere that doesn't require one.

Also worth noting - my wife would be at home with the kid right now (I have a much higher income) except she has substantial student debt, so off to work she goes. This means paying for creche too.

We couldn't afford creche fees for two kids, and she can't afford not to work due to aforementioned debt.

Also we had a kid because we were approaching mid thirties and it was a now or never thing, but it would have been nice to get a home big enough for two kids (a 3 bed apartment, or a bigger 2 bedroom apartment, would suffice) but the numbers don't add up.

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If you drive down my friend's neighborhood in North Virginia, you see house after house of moms with law-degrees, math degrees, engineering degrees, most with Masters, who said "fuck working" after 5-10 years and decided to become stay-at-home. All with substantial student debt that they didn't work long enough to justify.

The number of women who WANT to work is a lot lower than everyone wants to admit. And when they see the option to leave the working world, many of them take it. So much education that just gets wasted when they realize that having a career is not nearly as fulfilling as they have been led to believe.

If I won the lottery tomorrow, my first thought would be "sweet, we can afford a third kid!"

Why do you assume they are full filled now or that they decision to stay at home was not pragmatical? Or not sacrifice for what they believe is best for children?

Some are fullfilled, some are not.

He/she is saying that this is the case for most women. Most women like to lead more balanced lives, and a part of that is getting an education, then working for some time, traveling, then taking care of the kids and yet more traveling. Most men like to work for most of their lives.

I don't think the education is wasted-- not if you view education as more than a means to employment. However, I agree that most women will take the opportunity to leave the working world when it becomes viable to do so.

Does your wife’s work actually offset the cost of childcare? I ask because you say your income is much higher than hers but you cannot afford a three bedroom apartment. This seems to imply that her income is quite low.

I know a number of families who ran the numbers and found out that the second income didn’t offset the cost of childcare. Or if it did, the excess income was so low as to be negligible. Don’t forget that there are tax implications to having a second income.

We've run the numbers thoroughly. 40% of her take home goes to childcare. 50% to student loans. Tbf getting in to debt for a degree in the humanities is generally a horrible idea but we all have dreams.

Also, to be honest, we could pay for a three bed apt. Afford is another question. Currently socking away cash to try to buy a house, but that affects ability to go somewhere more suitable for a family in the meantime.

> Not owning a car saves loads. Unfortunately, it usually takes a lot of money to live somewhere that doesn't require one.

In America perhaps. Europeans seem to manage, generally on lower salaries than Americans...

Cheaper healthcare, education and available public transport (less need for car). That matters greatly. Also, not having much money seems to be less stigmatized and less criminalized then in America. There is some stigma, but there is less of "you are not rich therefore you are stupid" attitude.

We moved to europe. I actually doubled my salary but I only really managed to become a dev here,in the US I floundered. It was the depths of the great recession though.

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