And us citizens have more weapons than the taliban; longer harder to protect borders than Afghanistan; and a population that would be sympathetic to the cause. I wouldn’t be so sure the us military would win.
According to current military doctrine[0], counterinsurgency requires a minimum of 1 counterinsurgent per 50 people in the population. If you assume ALL us military personnel can serve in combat simultaneously (ie: no troops required for supply lines, paperwork, management, etc), and you included all police forces in the US, you would only get to 1 per 100.
So you say they would "win so laughably easily".. but according to the military itself, it does not have enough troops to handle an insurgency in the US.
0. As written in the Army and Marine Corps field manual (and this doctrine was based on research of past (us and non-us) conflicts)