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Comment by matz1 | Hacker News Reader

Only if you already have especially likable personality, otherwise you do have to be proactive. For me, if I waiting for people to invite me first I end up with 0 friend. It does seem rude and desperate in the beginning but I have to learn to not think it that way.

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I agree. I started developing adult friendships when I decided not to worry about this and start dropping “strong hints” that I was interested in social events that I overheard people discussing.

I tend to appear standoffish and several friends have told me that they initially believed that I disliked them. I have to tell people explicitly that I am interested in spending time with them to overcome this.

>if I waiting for people to invite me first I end up with 0 friend

but then those other people are begrudgingly inviting you out of politeness since you asked, rather than being a genuine invite

It at least gives you an opportunity to get your foot in the door so next time it's a genuine invitation.

if you joined their whatsapp group out of self-invite and they begrudgingly obliged, then you will see all their invites and still be self-inviting yourself to their other events unless they personally asked you

Gotcha, I'm completely oblivious to Whatsapp.

It might just be that they don't even think about you as someone who is interesting in interacting. That they basically dont register that you exists. It is not necessary that they hate you.

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