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Comment by BurningFrog | Hacker News Reader

Some people flake on their friends, but are always on time for flights.

They are perfectly capable of being on time for important things. It's just that their friends aren't important to them.

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I find it just as difficult to be on time for flights as I do for get-togethers with friends, or anything else, for that matter.

I've missed at least 8 flights in the past decade, have seen only the last 80-90% of many of the films I watched in the cinema, have had to stand in the back for the first act of many stage productions, etc. Seeing me walk, rather than run, through train stations and airports is a rare sight. I don't recall a single multi-day bushwalk I've been on, where I pitched my tent before sunset, or even within 2 hours after it.

Some of us simply don't have the time awareness and executive function to be on time. I have a clock always visible in my line of sight at my desk, but many times, I can't get myself to actually read the time off it, even though it's right there (and it's digital).

If my friends didn't know not to take my lateness personally, I wouldn't have any friends.

> I have a clock always visible in my line of sight at my desk, but many times, I can't get myself to actually read the time off it, even though it's right there (and it's digital).

Some clocks can be programmed to make noise nowadays at a certain time.

That's not the issue. The issue is that for whatever reason, my brain is refusing to allow me to become aware of the time. The presentation format of the time doesn't matter.

It's tough to fight this, because the person you're fighting is yourself, and you're just as smart as you are, so you can't outsmart or trick yourself.

Sometimes, some technique will work for a day or two, but the brain adapts very quickly and learns how to get around it.

You don't need to be aware of the time to use an alarm clock. On a phone, you can set it to an appropriate time with a message. When it rings, start doing whatever the message tells you to do.

I'm very absent-minded and frequently forget things like eating and cleaning, but out of respect for other people, I frequently take notes and set alarms, which at least helps me stick to agreed schedules.

Another useful way to manage it is to schedule things loosely when possible. Agree to meet at some point in the span of an hour under circumstances where neither party will be bored waiting. For example, invite the other party over an hour before going to a see a film.

Friends are important in a different way, but one of the qualities they don't often share with flights is that they get you somewhere where it's important you'll be at a specific time and place in pursuit of your material needs or obligations. Or rather you're not expecting something out of them other than their company, which you still get to enjoy later (if you're really friends, and if not, then you're just not).

It's good that friends aren't like that. I'm happy to acknowledge that someone may have a family or other circumstance that is more pressing than a ruminative chat, and not count it against them. And I expect they will give me the same consideration. The score doesn't get kept the same way.

If someone is always 30 minutes late and there’s always an excuse that it’s not their fault, the they’re the problem. Everyone has problems. If you tell me “hey I’m running 30 minutes late, because I had to take a shower” the odd time (in advance) that’s totally fine. But to leave me sitting on my own (when I could have plans with someone else later, or could have stopped whatever I was doing before to be on time to meet you) is just selfish and inconsiderate. If you can’t show up at 5, don’t say you’ll be there at 5, say you’ll be there at 7 so at least I can use the time too.

My friends (one in particular) and I basically don't make plans where one person is going to be sitting around on their own.

For instance, we plan to meet up at somebody's house first (they obviously are going to be there, even if they're still getting ready).

Or cases we both exchange texts and actually leave only when we are both ready to go.

The trick is to take all the variables and planning (and potential for bad planning) out of the equation. Everyone is happier that way.

I have friends who are late often while being generally considerate people, it is zero problem at all. I just dont expect them be on time anymore. As far as disrespect goes, this is pretty low. I know enough punctual jerks to not care all that much about this.

If you are late, but after comming in treat people politely, are willing to compromise, dont assume they are stupid in each of your responses and dont go out of your way to insult them and respect them dont act like alpha-king-of-galaxy that needs everything your way, then it is much better then punctual opposite.

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