>you need to be online all the time, and you need to answer / participate / chat instantly
No, you don't.
No, you don't.
I'm fairly sure you can set do-not-disturb times as well.
It's fair to be frustrated by defaults or how your org uses Slack (or any other tool), but these discussions often cross the line to FUD by exaggerating annoyances.
/dnd, per-channel notif muting, and "away" status combine for reasonably fine-grained control