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Comment by mygo | Hacker News Reader

I was expecting a list of explanations. Something that will explain to me the fundamental principles that lead adults to behave the way they do in the real world. Like why they have to look so serious when you make eye contact in a coffee shop... etc.

Instead I was delivered a list of idealistic commandments prescribing behavior that does not really occur that often out in the field. Which is ironically something an adult would do.

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> idealistic commandments

You know the people in your life that can earn the respect of others almost effortlessly? They do most of the things on this list. The majority of adults act like petulant kids, and that's why a lot of adults are fucking miserable. Don't be one of those adults.

I think the moods of adults can't change as quickly as kids. If someone is thinking about something with a serious look on their face and you flash them a big grin it creates something of a cognitive dissonance since their mood is at a certain point in emotional space and you just generated some emotion too far from the initial point. To stop this dissonance from forming you have to lead them along from point a to point b one step at a time.

Since the mood of a child can change so quickly you can just make a silly face and their mood will be pulled along to the emotion you just caused them to have. Unless of course, you make a silly face at a kid who is about to cry, that's a sure fire way to annoy them.

I think you can also see this difference in the way kids and adults make small talk. "Nice weather we're having" versus "I love pokemon what's your favorite pokemon".

Here is your list of explanations, at least for why they have to look so serious in coffee shops... 1) their vision is declining so they may furrow their brow to improve their vision when making eye contact, 2) they know not to trust people that smile all of the time, 3) they have other people, typically their children, to worry about, 4) and 5) they are more likely to have been up for several hours and had their expectations of the day's schedule changed before arriving at said coffee shop, and 6) they don't want to be seen as flirting with a younger person and potentially invite public ridicule

Well, I could argue that people are waiting to tell you the principles of their behavior, but you've yet to ask. If people look serious in a coffee shop, it's acceptable to ask them why they look serious. Perhaps the commandments could guide you through the process of extracting and understanding a person's motivations in their own words.

The commandments are meant to help you improve your own behavior. As you improve your own behavior, people will confide more information about themselves in you, and your understanding of what makes people tick will grow. You'll have more intuition about how someone will react to a given scenario. Use the principles to improve your own attitude and behavior so that others pass information to you more easily.

The implementation of this comes down to your clear communication (through both word and body language) that you embody the 25 commandments to everyone you meet. They will receive such a person with great pleasure. As you communicate with them, they'll freely dispense their motivations and dreams to you for study.

> If people look serious in a coffee shop, it's acceptable to ask them why they look serious.

It is never acceptable to ask a stranger in a coffee shop why they look serious.

>>"they'll freely dispense their motivations and dreams to you for study"

This must be satire or sarcasm, but the parent got me at the beginning.

Well, adults have multiple threads of parallel thought. They are definitely more engrossed in their internal world than children. For example: Consider meeting a friend and not recollecting their name, sometimes their name pops into our minds after a couple of days without us actively pondering or being burdened by the finding process. A majority of adults truly aren't in the moment so to speak, juggling multiple choices that surround their day does cause cognitive load.

Also, the need to instinctively smile is replaced with conditional reciprocation based on what they see and assess. That's learned behaviour.

Munger's Psychology of Human Misjudgement might provide some relevant explanation: http://fermatslibrary.com/s/the-psychology-of-human-misdguge...

Or not.

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