We found out that a neighbor we were friendly with for years had sexually abused their kids.
I would not advise anyone to trust someone because of where they chose to live / they wave when you're mowing your lawn.
I would not advise anyone to trust someone because of where they chose to live / they wave when you're mowing your lawn.
What are the odds of being neighbors with a child predator? I'd bet they are incredibly small.
If a neighbor is nice, friendly, and you get to know them over a little bit of time, I'm betting problems arising from having them watch your kids is right around 0%.
What if you or other neighbors had been even friendlier, sooner. You may have found out about it sooner and been able to help stop it.
My comment is this: Generally and overwhelmingly, when a group of people is more interconnected and those connections are stronger, "bad" behavior gets found out and stopped faster. I think that's true of any group of people.
Of course, "bad" = unacceptable to the group itself.
Someone telling you "I did this bad thing" is not the only way for you to find out. I think if a child knows there is a way out, that there other people who care enough to take effective action, they might be more likely to tell someone. But often there is no one who cares that much. Teachers, neighbors, other parents, they're all "nice" but they aren't invested.
What I'm talking about is a deep relationship, and that isn't a function of time spent together, or any other concrete fact. It's organic and emotional.
We can grow those relationships if we choose to. I feel this is the only way to actually solve a lot of social problems that have been going on for decades now. Shooters, internet trolling, bullying, abuse, molestation, those people who pop up every year or so who have been hiding 15 children in a basement..etc
There are people who are REALLY good at acting. As adults we get to choose what risks to take. Kids have that choice made for them. Also, kids who are too young might not even fully understand what's going on, so they might not be actively searching for a way out.
I like your mentality of growing relationships with people, but when it comes to protecting kids i feel you owe it to them to be sceptical of others. The risk just isnt worth the free babysitter.