Comment by DeusExMachina | Hacker News Reader

Comment by DeusExMachina | Hacker News Reader

I think that what a partner should give you is moral support, not technical one. Why are you in this relationship? Because you love her or because you want someone to support in your startup? You already said that your cofounder understands the tech part. Why should your girlfriend? She is there to (hopefully) fill other parts of your life that are not work related.

I had a girlfriend last here. She was 10 years younger than me and was studying music, so she did not understand anything about math, or programming, or markets, or startups. And she needed not to. I was happy with her, she gave me the support I needed in doing my work even we did not speak about anything technical.

If I was feeling bad about something in my work, I spoke with her about what worried me and my feelings, not the technical problems I had. Girls, and especially your girlfriend, are not interested in how things work, but in how you feel. They are not interested in solving problems, but in supporting you.

Leave to your girlfriend what they are their "duties", give her the place she deserves in your life and not in your job. For tech understanding you have your cofounder, friends, fellow entrepreneurs and HN.

Seriously? This is 2010 and you still think like this? Seems almost Victorian in attitude.

Girls, and especially your girlfriend, are not interested in how things work, but in how you feel. They are not interested in solving problems, but in supporting you.

I find it hard to see how this isn't a huge and offensive generalisation. My wife, for example, is substantially more mathematically able than I am (she's an actuary), what do you think her reaction to your comments would be?

Leave to your girlfriend what they are their "duties"

What does this even mean? What are his girlfriend's duties as you see them?

I take the comment "don't expect your partner to be an expert in your career; rather, expect support".

The comment's wording sounds a bit like "put women in their place", but I suspect that isn't the intent.

I wasn't the intent at all. That's just my experience with a lot of women.

Surely there are a lot of women that are mathematically and technically capable, but how many there are? Very few. Yes, I too had a girlfriend with a PhD in biology, so she was more than capable. But how many women in general are like that? My direct observation is not that many. I'm not saying that women are less capable than men, only that usually they are different and don't care. Personal experience. I just lived in two european countries and this is what I still see. Maybe in the US it's different.

What I was saying is that usually women are more emotional than logical. Do you have a girlfriend who is technically capable too? Wonderful! But do not expect them all to be like that.

EDIT: I'm sorry if I sounded sexist, because I really am not. I really love women and I thing they deserve a bigger place in society, sometimes bigger than men. But let's be realistic, we all know that there are very few women in our field and if we meet girls outside of our environment we drastically lower the chance of meeting a technically capable one.

I disagree that girls don't want to understand how things work. Many do, and some get technical degrees and technical careers. In general, however, based on my own experience girls tend to be more interested in strengthening and building personal relationships, discussing and understanding feelings, and taking care of others. Personally, these things don't come naturally to me so it's something of a breath of fresh air to be around women who are like this; I think it's one of the reasons I was so drawn to my wife.

Like most things, you can't paint with too broad a stroke or else you miss the details and the exceptions, as the grandfather of my comment did.

Some people may interpret your words in any way that can start a conflict, but I agree with what I think you intended to say. Of course there are plenty of women capable of handling mathematical and technical discussions, but even so, in a romantic relationship people relate to each other at an emotional level.

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