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> I see all these dudes, who after having kids, love kids. I thought that might happen to me, but no, the thought of having another kid makes my skin crawl.

I have a 20-month-old. Honestly, for the first ~14 months of my son's life I felt... responsible for him, but any "love" was more of an abstract, theoretical thing than a real personal affinity. Babies -- my son, anyway -- under that age are just a black hole of time and attention that require everything from you and give nothing back.

But over the last six months or so, our relationship and my feelings have changed a great deal. On a practical level, he's able to entertain himself for longer periods of time without requiring my input. But more importantly, he's starting to understand and discover principles about the world. Seeing that process of discovery is incredibly fulfilling, and I can honestly say I love my son and enjoy spending time with him and engaging in that learning process, in a way I didn't during the first year.

His growing emotional repertoire is especially gratifying to see. We went out to see Christmas lights over the holidays, and as we passed one house with a particularly luminous display he pointed to it and exclaimed "WOOWW" with eyes full of awe and wonder. Rediscovering the beauty of the world through the eyes of a child is a sort of joy I've never before experienced.

This was me about 4 years ago. Now I have 3 children ages 2-6 years, and I'm definitely back into the "I feel like I don't exist" territory again. I can share a lot with all three of them, but if they weren't there I wouldn't volunteer 5 hours every day for free at the local daycare to develop relationships with children and cook them food they don't want to eat.

For what it's worth, I think a 7 month old is just about the hardest age of kid to have. They are old enough to scream and complain but young enough to not be able to fix any of their problems themselves. Hang in there, and good luck ;-)

Something that worked really well for us, teach the kid sign language. It isn't just that they are screaming and complaining. They are trying to communicate, and failure to do so is frustrating. I can only imagine how frustrating it is when you haven't learned the emotions, yet.

(And don't let "teach them sign language" think you need to teach full on words. Basic signaling that is agreed between you and them is all I mean. Typically "want" and "hungry" are the only ones you need.)

The "Baby Signing Time" series was a game changer for us. It was nice to know what the problem was before my kid could speak. Other parents warned me this would be the most difficult time because of the not knowing, but this absolutely minimized it.

we taught our girl to nod "Yes". after that it became much easier. She was able to nod "Yes" when she was hungry. After you rule out hunger, there are only a couple more things to check before you typically fix the problem.

> I feel like I do not exist anymore, but that everything I do is for him.

Wow, this is a very strong point. It made me appreciate my parents very much, the way you worded this type of love. It is like the outpouring of love from one life to another. I hope I will be ready for this when I too one day have kids. Thank you!

Keep in mind that 7 months (really, the first year) is a black hole. You're not going to get much sleep, you're going to get sick, and your social life is going to suffer. It's just how it is (at least, how it was for my wife and I). But, sometime around the one year mark, things get MUCH easier. I don't look back on the first year fondly, but I'm happy I put the work in then, because the payoff is incredible.

Before you make any judgments about more kids, wait a year. I think your opinion might change.

> I feel like I do not exist anymore, but that everything I do is for him. There are risks I can’t take now. Ideas I can’t pursue. Hobbies I won’t have time again for years. Haven’t had sex in months.

I see stuff like this posted all the time when the topic of having babies comes up.

And it's why I don't have sympathy for parents that cry about not knowing how hard it was going to be. You're making an 18-year commitment! Do your research!

Babies are hard. Real hard. It gets easier (never easy), but this phase will for sure come to an end.

get it snipped. trust me. there's nothing wrong with how you feel but don't have another one. you'll thank me later :)