> but on a screen - especially non-touch systems - there's no way it's the best option

There is a good option - but the current, dumb UX fad, rejects it whoreheartedly. That option is keyboard. Give everything a keyboard shortcut and let the user learn them (if at least by providing a visual overlay listing shortcuts straight on the interface).

If something is a tool - not a shiny cloud SaaS toy intent on getting audience to drive the hockey-stick graph straight into acquihire - users will learn keyboard shortcuts.