Ask HN: I made a ridiculous amount of money and feel “depressed”

I had a very similar experience to this a few years ago. I made an app called Face Juggler which was one of the first face swap apps (before snapchat started doing it for free). I made it just for a bit of fun but it somehow went to the top of the charts with zero effort or publicity and I made a similar amount of money to you. And I also got really down about it.

Apparently this is pretty common. We aren’t that good at predicting things that will make us happy or sad. There’s a great TED talk about this https://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy/...

I think the problem I had was that when you have very little you are quite care free. You take chances and don’t worry about the consequences because you have little to lose and lots to gain. This feels good! But once you actually get somewhere you start to worry about stuff. What if I lose this money? What if I do the wrong thing and it all goes wrong. What should be a great position becomes scary and unstable.

Now would be a great time for some proper reflection about what you want from life that isn’t just about owning and buying stuff. You’ve bought your way out of that game now and it’s time to think about what’s really important to you. I also think Tony Robins is a genius for his ideas in this stuff.

Can you point me to some of the Tony Robbins stuff that is good for this in particular? I find myself worrying more and more about losing what I am gaining.

First of all 12% tax, really, that is your reason for living there? Get a grip, 12% is nothing to pay to be somewhere you want to be or that feels like home.

Secondly, you have lost what the Japanese call "reason for getting out of bed in the morning", which is when you start to die, no matter what your age is.

The longer you live like you are the less you will have to connect with anyone about.

Worry less about the money and more about doing something that you feel has some purpose. It doesn't have to be some feel good save the planet/whales/children, just something that you believe in and needs doing.

Don't throw away the advantages you have built/won/stumbled into, just take them and use them.

Lastly back to the taxes, they pay for schools, hospitals, roads, immunisation programs, disaster preparedness etc etc - given they are not exhorbitant, just pay them and feel like you are contributing to the greater good.

First, congratulations on gaining so much wealth at such a young age. I would recommend looking into turning that into a million or more before you hit 30 to insure your future is good to go (retirement age, when you cannot or just do not want to work anymore).

In terms of keeping active, I would recommend moving closer to a major metro area, this could be on the outside of the beltway so you possibly drive or take a ride in to reduce your rent/mortgage. Remember, it is hard to keep the mind busy when you live in a place with little to no activity.

Have you tried spending time working on your other hobbies, looking into things you would like get involved in (learning the ins and outs of cars, setting up a home datacenter, getting more in-depth knowledge about your favorite music genres, designing your own clothes, car mods etc.). If you do not want to move have you looked into ways to enhance your local community to bring some life into it, create jobs, get to know the locals better, conduct local hackathons, and start small conferences to get others interested into what you do, etc.?

Yep, I got my money invested in some quality companies and don't plan on touching them for a while.

As for hobbies, I actually have a few. The problem is that many of them are more of a lone activity, and that makes me feel even more isolated

As for the local stuff, that's why I bought that house in the first place. Wanted to get more involved in the community

Buy or adopt a dog. Your solitude will vanish instantly and perhaps you will interact with your community in dimensions unrelated to work or career (like meeting other dog owners when walking your dog or being sued by your neighbor because of her barking).

This is bad advice. Dog is a daily commitment for a decade or more, not something to be taken lightly.

I can see how you'd be terribly bored. Since you already have a pile of money (congrats) why not deposit it with some reputable wealth management firm and save yourself the time reading the investment books? It sounds like you're optimizing for its own sake - investments, videogames, whatever it is you do at work, and as you say accumulating more is not a satisfying challenge.

But I'm sure you can think of something worth learning that you do for its own sake rather than as part of an overall gameplan, whether that's playing violin or teaching wolves to play backgammon. Since you're suffering from anomie I challenge you to identify 3 things that you would actually find difficult to accomplish and which would have value for other people (not necessarily altruistic, but in terms of being recognized by others as difficult to accomplish).

> I made a ridiculous amount of money and feel “depressed”

A lot of people are going to read that and think - how the hell is that even possible?

It does not seem to matter how many times it is said, or what studies show, but people don't seem to get it into their heads that how much money you have and how happy you are are completely unrelated once a certain level of income is attained. Or, putting it another way, happiness is mostly unrelated to the amount of money you have in your bank account.

I was once £150K in debt, and people don't believe it when I tell them they were actually some of the happiest years of my life!

So what to do?

I would talk to someone first off. I would suggest a good life coach as a starting point - Tim Brownson at A Daring Adventure (just google 'A daring adventure') is a stand up guy (known him for years) and a fellow Brit! He might help you find some focus on a new direction. He's lived in American for about ten years now I think so maybe his accent is decipherable now and he doesn't sound like a mad Australian.

So what kinds of things affect happiness?

- exercise / health - relationship - friends - purpose - contribution

and that special little thing a lot of workaholic Americans forget all about:

FUN!

First, you should internalize that your happiness is far more important than how much money you make. If you could give all your money away to be happy forever, you certainly should, even though it means you are broke and homeless.

With that in mind, the most important thing for you to do is to find a great community. You should really move to somewhere where people have similar interests with you so you can bond with them and form great relationships. You could maybe have long distance friendships, but they will never be the same as living within minutes of people you really love and want to spend time with. It's OK to spend a lot of money making that happen, because this will most likely increase your happiness more than anything else you can do.

Finding a "direction" or purpose is probably very important to your wellbeing as well (this is supported by evidence-- people who say they feel like they have a purpose in life are subjectively happier on the average). What do you really care about? What do you think is important in the world? Find a way to spend time moving that forward. For example, I like spending time on lots of different things-- coding, making art, making music, cooking, etc etc. but I need to decide how to spend each minute of my life so I just picked a metric I wanted to optimize for-- the net happiness on earth. Now if I feel directionless I just ask "Well what would help make the most people the most happy" and I can start heading in some kind of direction. It works well because the metric is really exciting and important to me. Another way would be to ask yourself "In 100 years, how do I want to be remembered?" or something of that sort. Just find a way to answer the question "what is my purpose in life" and you should be set for a while.

Those 2 big things are worth trying. But there's also lots of little things. For me exercise has a huge influence on how happy I feel on a given day-- if I exercised in the morning or the day before, I'm usually much happier. Eating good food has a significant impact for me as well. Talking to friends and spending time in nature are some more. Try out a bunch of that sort of day-to-day happiness/well-being advice and pay attention to what makes you feel good and make sure to do that often, ideally daily or weekly.

This seems like very much not the place to be asking. Mental health is a serious issue, with dedicated professionals available. I suspect that here you'll get a lot of well-meaning anecdote, some of which may well be helpful. Nonetheless, there are professionals out there ready to help and your mental health isn't something you can bash at like a python script.

Double-check with a professional that there isn't some physical disorder going on, and see a mental health professional.

Just take the hit and move back to the city. You have a better chance of meeting interesting people and pursuing hobbies.

You are currently trading happiness for money. You won't get this time back, but you have the rest of your life to work and make money.

The reason it is a low cost and zero tax place is because a lot of people do not want to live there. You pay for what you get. So a bit of tax and expenses will get you living in a more vibrant, stimulating place. That is why lots of people prefer to the cities.

Being frugal is a trap. You don't want to be Scrooge McDuck. Better to have a bit less money and far more fun.

Find a cause or project that you really believe in, and put your effort into that.

The book "Smartcuts" by Shane Snow address the issue of wealthy people feeling depressed. Its a great book!

You sound like you are well on your way to financial independence. I'd suggest stopping by /r/financialindependence you may well find others in a similar position.

Already a long time member! That's actually what prompted me into all this extreme frugality in the first place :)

Last two years I followed r/fi obsessedly like it's a life philosophy. Holy hell did it work well.

As a result of it, I did extremely well financially even with my very little income as a grad student. I've achieved my saving goals for the year 4 months in. But I've grew to much pride, lost my sanity, became numb, lost my sense of enjoying life. Perhaps that was part of the reason my wonderful girlfriend broke up with me. By the way, I lived in a small Midwest town. I lived frugally and minimally and I'm not really obsessed with things in the first place, so saving 50% of my income being single wasn't hard. I woke up everyday checking my investments and saw it growing but felt no joy. Sometimes I would stay in bed for the whole day and sleep. I wasn't rich but I was so financially stable that I was going to be alright no matter what happens.

Thanks to several changes in life, I now do feel joy again. I don't know what exactly went right, but I did the following:

- Not obsessedly following the r/fire community anymore. I now spend more money to buy gifts and experiences for people I love (not superficial ones, the kind of I would have to think twice buying for myself). I come up short financially but ahead in my sense of self worthiness. I feel I'm not a money obsessed scumbag anymore. You might find having a better time doing this because I don't have a big income. But anyway, try to make other people who are important in your life happy for what you can provide: money, time, experiences and you won't regret it.

- I started working out hardcore first because the girlfriend that dragged me to the gym. FYI, I am a typical computer nerd, who was massively unfit (underweight) and has never played a sport in my life. Nowadays, I try to work out once or twice a week. Just having a trainer train you for the first week so you know what is what is enough for you to get started.

- I moved to the coast, not that I planned to. I live in a much nicer place with more freedom and amenities. There is a huge difference in living in an intellectual and welcoming town compared to the middle of nowhere, homophobic town.

- I quit social media cold turkey. I don't have Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, almost anything that allows me to peek into the others' lives anymore. I probably won't ever come back to Facebook.

- I started to think positively about others: seeing what they were able to achieve given the situation, not how inferior they are to me. And I told everything to them to make them feel they share with a friend.

- I watched the highest rated movies on imdb. Perhaps the two that resonated the most with me (those were rewatches!) were sunset blvd and groundhog day. Especially groundhog day. You are in a loop and everyday is the damn same. It changes when you see it differently that kind of stuff. I have never found watching fictional movies and books useful or joyful before. I have always been a nonfictional person.

- I started to be more bold, adventurous and reached out and collaborate with people I admire. We work and talk about projects that makes us no money. But I can't say how much I love seeing a personal email from people telling me about new things they're planning to do.

I know not everything I said will be applicable for you, but I hope at least some of those you might find something useful. Good luck and I hope you feel better for the new year!

Maybe you are depressed so go for a talking therapy or maybe just a lifecoach (I know a former tech entrepreneur who went through a breakdown and now is a lifecoach, I can introduce you). Also help others. Is there any field you are interested in? Animals? Volunteer at a local homeless shelter? Work on creating a start-up that may help others (that what I do and it is great)?

I am not a doctor. Just reading thru OP answers I think OP may have symptoms of depression and should see therapist.

Recursive, you have everything you want. but if you have, how the hell you want? to have and to want will never be the same, cause to want is to work for a new objective. and to have is to rest by the previous objective completed.

if you dont want to go to "the moon" maybe you dont want anything more. just to rest.

Move.

It would be hard to replace the job you have, but you can find many places to live in the U.S. with better amenities than your spot, but much lower cost of living than the Bay Area.

New Hampshire, for instance, has no income tax and a vibrant scene around Manchester. Nobody ever picks up litter on the side of the highways and the winters are tough but you are 50 mi from the beach, from some prominent mountains, Boston, etc.

You might accept some income tax (less than SF) and get warmer weather and move to the Raleigh-Durham area in North Carolina where there are many smart people doing interesting things.

If you like to ski there is Salt lake City.

Work out the factors that matter to you, pick a place, and move there. Give it a six months or a year or so and move to someplace else if you hate it.

How is your health / fitness level? I felt a bit like that when I was up at around 260 lbs (I'm 5' 11" tall). I started watching what I ate (I used a food tracking app to monitor caloris in and out and come up with a realistic plan to get to my supposed "ideal" weight which is 185-190 lbs and started some exercise - first walking around the block, eventually jogging and some exercise DVDs in my living room. As I shed lbs, I started to feel better and better, my interest in various things perked up, and I feel like I'm even more social now. Maybe this would help you too? Just a thought.

Thanks, that's an interesting idea. I do take very frequently walks but nothing intense. I might try that

With success I think it's easy to fall into a pattern of comfort and avoidance.

Whether it's exercise, going to meetups, gatherings, or any sort of public place, trying new hobbies as you've done with the house, etc., I'd suggest finding at least one thing to do each day that forces you out of your comfort zone, and see if you don't notice a difference in your feelings and outlook.

If you're walking, speed it up a bit or even try a short sprint to force a recovery, and note any physical and mental difference as the body does its thing.

Can you approach it that way? "I haven't done my 'one thing' yet today--I need to get out/hit the floor/call a friend/whatever." Go to the library, hardware store, mall, church, something different, even seemingly mundane.

And yeah, maybe move if you need to. Sometimes a change can be beneficial in and of itself, and you don't have to go to the extreme Bay-end of the COL spectrum to find more opportunities--there's a range of options between there and remote small town.

Start giving talks on how you accumulated such wealth in a young age -- people always love to listen and learn from stories that inspire them to gain more in life.

Once that happens, you will feel a sense of satisfaction that will self-drive -- the more you help others out, the more you would want to continue. And since you are helping people out in the thing you are really good at, you will have to keep doing that thing to continue to inspire people and stay ahead.

Though, you will notice that starting out will be really tough -- your body and mind will find every excuse to not do it, simply because it is not your comfort zone.

I don't have much to say besides "I got lucky." Not really a motivating person tbh

I'd consider moving to the bay area. Sounds like you live in nowheresville and its boring as hell. Remember money is your slave not vice versa, and its OK to spend a bit to make you happier.

At the very least in the Bay Area his money will be gone in no time.

Moving to a more interesting place is good advice though as is considering money a means rather than an end to itself.

On his stated income I presume he won't be left destitute and can still save some money and invest too.

Start reading something else. You focused too much on money and little on anything else. I was asking myself days ago how some people make so much money and I dont. But I forgot what I have and others dont. I'm your complementary. I started 10 years ago when I dropped out and started travelling and reading everything. I know everything I wanted to know. But we cant have everything. At least one thing you can do now is to pay someone you choose to give you what you lack.

You'd still feel that way without the money. Don't blow your money.

The way you feel just comes from being in your 20's and sorting out your feelings.

I really goddam hope so. 20's is a really shitty decade

Been there, done that... the best thing that happened to me is I met my wife and we started a family... having kids will change your focus from being selfish to actually care for someone... she literary saved my life, because I would have probably died from the rock 'n roll life style I was living (as some of my friends actually died)

I feel like this song might apply: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slox9-f-nSA

We all need something to strive for and always want more, but it seems you're having issues finding what you want.

Organize a neighborhood bbq, if you want to stay there.

The people who come, won't have the same interests, but at least you'll know some people.

Ps. You have too little on your hands, this will also fix that for some time.

You need new friends, new stimulants, a renewed sense of purpose.

How do you make almost half a mil a year in tech?

Are you a dev or a cofounder?

Winter depression linked to low light levels?

Move to Europe

Do some volunteer work?

I think it's a good idea. Contribution is definitely a factor in happiness. It's probably not the complete solution in this case but it will certainly help!

Seriously this and there is science behind it.

https://www.nationalservice.gov/pdf/07_0506_hbr.pdf

"Over the past two decades we have seen a growing body of research that indicates volunteering provides individual health benefits in addition to social benefits. This research has established a strong relationship between volunteering and health: those who volunteer have lower mortality rates, greater functional ability, and lower rates of depression later in life than those who do not volunteer"

Yes. You do have some valuable skills: from teaching computer skills to implementing solutions. Lots of people/organizations need help in those areas.