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Comment by scarface74 | Hacker News Reader

I spent 9 years at one company- seven years longer than I should have - and by the time I left in 2008, I was way behind where I should have been. I spent from 2009-2016 admitting weaknesses left and right so I could learn from other people.

I think that might have kept me from getting ahead at the 3 companies I worked at during that time, but it was worth it for the skills I picked up.

Even at my current position as a tech lead, I still have to admit weaknesses. My weaknesses now are around a lot of things that I know are best practices but I haven't had a chance to implement fully before and that I've never been responsible for hiring and recruitment. I have had to be up front about both to ask advice.

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As a tech lead, it's actually easier for you to admit weaknesses, since your subordinates will be happy if you arrange things such that their job satisfaction is high, regardless of how much or little technical work you do. For a front-line engineer it's more dangerous, particularly if there is a perception (even if unfair) of a discrepancy between how they presented themselves at interview, and how they are presenting themselves now. Front-line engineers also don't necessarily know if their employer is thinking of firing them - they therefore are best advised to play it safe with regards to any little thing that their employer could pick up on as a straw that breaks the camel's back. Better safe than sorry.

But yes, there are times when we all need to ask for help, and even here, there are better and worse ways to do it. Again, for a team lead to express vulnerability can be positive in the right circumstances - because it can allow a junior (or indeed a senior) to puff up their chest with pride as they may then be able to help out their boss, show off their knowledge and look really good - and it can help to bond with the team. In contrast, showing vulnerability as a subordinate, to the wrong manager, can just give them an excuse to fire you. That's happened to me twice - I've learned my lesson.

The only times I've been closed to getting fired weren't because of technical skills. I don't believe I've ever come up against a technical challenge that I couldn't solve by putting enough man hours into it.

But, the one thing that I've gotten a couple of "improvement plans" about were surrounding my lack of emotional intelligence and attitude. Those nine years between 2008-2016 were just as much about improving my emotional intelligence as learning technical skills. I look back in horror about some of things I did during the first 12 years of my career. I can very much see where the article is coming from.

God, this hits home for me. I have suspicions that my oversharing and fraternization with my co-workers has hurt me and continues to hurt me, in the eyes of my superiors. I have recently been given more responsibility over a coworker whom I am consistently seen hanging out with and sharing with. However rather than take that as a indication that things are moving in the right direction, I'm starting to feel like I missed an official promotion because I look like I can't use discretion. At least I'm starting to see this stuff now. I can't be filling in the downtime at work with sharing at work with coworkers if I want to be seen as management 'material'. All this and I am also just passed year 12.

And trying to do a review for a guy you talk to on a regular basis and come up with a way to bring him 'in line' with the level your boss expects you to evaluate him at? Not fun. Not to mention these evals were revealed to me in confidence to be complete horseshit BY MY OWN BOSS. Anyway I digress.

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