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Comment by hukola | Hacker News Reader

1. How to Win Friends and Influence People - I recommend because I apply every day at work and reap the results as well, somebody should have recommended this book to me ten years ago;

2. Children of Time - a science fiction book that I enjoyed, I notice that fiction, in general, helps me deal with stressful work, as I disconnect easier and put myself in an imaginary world while reading;

3. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius - this isn't a book you read cover to cover, I catch myself thinking long even after reading a single sentence;

1) and 3) I've come across on HN, but 2) was the unexpected random hit.

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I'm sure I have an unpopular opinion on this, I have read How To Win Friends And Influence People a few times and I can't get over the fact that the skills taught feel very disingenuous and superficial. "act interested, use the person's name, etc". It's extremely cringe inducing when you see somebody blatantly using the tactics.

If there's a reason that everyone should read this book, it's more so that they are aware of these tactics.

It's not disingenuous or superficial if you exercise the advice earnestly. For example, don't just "act interested", but "be interested" in what the other person has to say.

I assure you that doing so is both extremely difficult (because we're selfishly interested in ourselves most of the time) and kind (because the other person rarely receives such selfless attention.)

It's only cringe inducing if someone is using these tactics without actually being interested in others. Carnegie definitely does not advocate for being such a person.

I think it's a mix of "do some bullshit smalltalk", "be nice" and common sense.

I really need to re-read it, but my basic takeaway was "Don't be a dick" - and maybe my suspicion is right that it (although it is very old) still play on subtle differences of American and European (to be more specific: German) work culture. I'd absolutely say we're not as nice and polite, but more direct - also more honest. But that could also be my limited experience in a non-significant amount of companies and fields. :P

It absolutely is, but it depends on where you're coming from.

You have to work to cultivate those actions to be genuine. I've been following the Buddhism path, and it's helped me become more genuine.

Source: Read that book this year. Thought about the same thing.

Children of Time was one of my favorites this year as well.

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