It's "Active Record" style ORMs like Hibernate that are the culprit, and the way many developers utilize them to avoid any contact with the realities of RDBMs which leads to data access antipatterns which lead to poor performance (multiple needless queries per request etc.).

Another thing people need to really give up on is the pipe dream of switching databases -- you're not going to do it. I've never seen one single case of people actually utilizing ORM to actually change RDBMs they store data in.

Not all ORMs are like that and the best solutions are the ones like Knex/Objecion where an ORM (Objection in this case) is nice abstraction for single-object access/writing and underlying SQL builder (Knex) is fully exposed and used for everything else.