Sep 1 will be the 1 year anniversary of my decision to go out on my own. In the last 10 weeks I have missed rent payments, missed insurance and had it cancelled, sweated 2 dollar bus rides, not eaten sometimes because I didn't want to spend money on food.
At times, I have regretted my decision to leave a comfortable life, doubted, cried, bargained, been depressed and thought things the former me could have never imagined me thinking.
I've learned a lot, but not enough, and while part of me is deeply worried, the bright spots are really bright and I am hopeful that I'll emerge stronger. I've separated some real friends from fake friends, learned where I'm strong and where I'm weak, realized how amazing my girlfriend is, and grown up a lot.
I'm still depressed and unconvinced I'll be net better off. And this might sound awful, but part of me is glad when I see that other people have pains and doubts, because it makes me imagine that I'm not alone in the struggle, that the lack of immediate success doesn't mean I'm incompetent.