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Comment by Abishek_Muthian | Hacker News Reader

The prejudices which a disabled person faces or their partner in this case are humongous.

I'm a dwarf with limb deformities, as CEO of a startup I perform the role of at-least dozen able-bodied people of my age each day. Still, since people who I haven't met personally don't know I'm a dwarf expect a 6ft Suite clad man at the business meeting; at the meeting I can see the sense of disappointment when they see me initially and then overwhelming realization of "This guy did all these?". But I've learnt to cope with these situations.

Always remember, a disabled person see's themselves as disabled only in the eyes of the people with prejudices.

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Always remember, a disabled person see's themselves as disabled only in the eyes of the people with prejudices.

I really hate these aphorisms. I have a mild disability - I have cerebral palsy that affects mostly my left hand and to minor degree my left foot. While I've done a lot of things that most people haven't done - run half marathons, was a part time fitness instructor for over a decade, etc., I know I'm inconvenienced by my disability every time I have to ask other people to do things for me that requires the use of both hands.

Almost any disability comes with certain inconveniences that remind you everyday of what you either can't do or that takes you longer.

Sorry, if you found my statement an aphorism it's by no means intended to undermine the difficulties.

Iam glad that you've been able to do many things which people without disabilities find difficult to do; my statement is many disabled people get denied an opportunity to do it because of prejudices & cognitive biases.

Abishek: totally unrelated to this story, just letting you know there's a typo on your business' homepage:

"Time is an illusion, we are it's magicians"

the apostrophe is unnecessary, as "its" is possessive. Best of luck with your company!

Ah! thanks, much appreciated. I will get it fixed asap.

Agreed I have syringomyelia which causes intense pain and on a bad day I limp (imagine walking with your leg encased in water close to boiling point).

On a good day you can't tell.

I still cycle and swim and am in better than average physical shape for 37 but as soon as I tell someone it all becomes about my (mild) disability.

The drugs work and I live a normal life but they come with significant side effects.

Some of them are funny (they use gabapentin off label to treat premature ejaculation - so I had to explain that one to my GF early on), they also make me wooly mentally, it's not a bad feeling but I'm a bit of a space cadet for a while after they kick in.

> ... but as soon as I tell someone it all becomes about my (mild) disability.

People are horrible at interacting with their acquaintances or even friends (except for closest ones).

When they meet a friend they look at him and think, "what the hell I'm supposed to say to this guy", then they remember that he wanted to buy a house, great!, now they can talk to them about that ... he already bought a house, great they still can talk about the house, but after a year or so this topic gets stale.

If someone broke a leg, they can talk about the leg, but then the leg heals up and what do you gonna talk about then...

You are very pleasant conversation partner for them because they always know what to ask you about. Don't get mad at them. The reason they bring this up every conversation is not about your specific problem, it's about general human problem of not knowing what to say to another human.

>I still cycle and swim and am in better than average physical shape for 37 but as soon as I tell someone it all becomes about my (mild) disability.

To strangers that might not understand (or take multiple meetings to see that's not a problem), it might be better not to tell at all. For people one actually know mid/long term, it's easier to be open without the prejudice.

(This sounds very House MD).

The my prognosis is good, the pain is mild to severe but with medication mostly under control.

It doesn't actually impair me physically but the pain makes me not want to move, sometimes it's just gritting my teeth and getting it done.

Given the rareness and potential severity I got off damn lucky, I have to remember that occasionally.

Not to mention, they fucked up the grammar and it doesn't even make sense. Unless they mean seeing your reflection in someone's cornea, which only happens in movies.

Is there really value in mentioning that?

No but I found it funny

My hat is off to you. I have a friend who is wheelchair bound due to an accident he had as a teenager. He runs his own business and in general is very good at making you forget that his legs are useless. In fact, he's so good at this that I tend to forget it too. One day this came out rather painfully when I asked him if he wanted to go for a beach walk. His answer?: "I'd love to...".

Good to know about your friend. I'm sure he understands what I meant as well. The reason he's been able to make you forget his limitations, is because you had been a great friend as well.

My first boss was a dwarf. She was a force of nature, one of the most powerful personalities I've ever come across. We didn't always see eye to eye, but she ended up running the department and deservedly so.

> We didn't always see eye to eye

Maybe not the best choice of words

Rather, interesting choice of words. Perhaps she was intimidating, I feel people do feel me intimidating; but I've never tried to be one. I think it's because, people expect less of a short person; they feel intimidated when what they see goes against their assumptions (or) on the other hand since we (dwarf) try so hard all our life to match our normal peers that; we end up doing better & intimidating a few.

A Freudian choice, perhaps. As we are busy thinking about things we cannot/should not say, that hidden watchdog finds a way to influence our visible behaviors and choices.

Maybe, it wasn’t in my mind until you mentioned it. But then perhaps contorting my word choice to avoid the common idiom would look obvious and gratingly call attention to the height issue. Honestly when common phrases that referenced height came up in conversation, Jane loved it. She though it was just funny. If someone said something about looking up to someone, she’d just say she looked up to everyone and we’d have a laugh. I just learned to relax about things like that with her.

Of course, I advise on 'growth hacks' as well :p

Let's get real: You are not a disabled person. You just don't look like the average person which makes people think you are disabled. But people think wrong all the time; and this should never be an issue.

A disabled person is that, by definition. He can't do the task because of his disability. So he can't get things done unlike you. If you are in the digital space, can move reasonably well, can type and use the mouse, and your brain functions are not altered; I don't see why you won't be able to compete with the average person.

In fact, I'd say it is the opposite. The average person is disabled by everyday life distractions. Like dating for example. Or traveling around. I can see someone in a chair performing better than them. You can get a lot done via internet. Like emails, paying invoices, setting up stuff, etc... You don't need to move much if you are building a SaaS.

The disabled guy will be sticked to the chair with no access to the rest of the world "entertainment". Their best entertainment is to carry on work.

PS: Please bear in mind that I'm generalizing this and not targeting you. I don't know your lifestyle neither it is the issue of this comment.

I think it's really hard to find out how people want you to react.

I often try to take it as if someone told me they have an exotic animal.

> Always remember, a disabled person see's themselves as disabled only in the eyes of the people with prejudices.

No. I stutter, and I'm somewhat disabled due to that in my own eyes, in that I have to spend more mental effort to speak clearly than a normal person would or else my vocal apparatus collapses into a mess of bad feedback loops and I'm completely incomprehensible (and, sometimes, in a certain amount of pain).

Your platitude is a bit beyond the "You can do anything!" fluff, which I understand and agree with in that stutterers have gone on to have very productive careers in public-facing roles (James Earl Jones stuttered, as did the disgraced Nazi-sympathizing British king, etc.), and veers into the simply incorrect. My ability to express myself verbally is, by default, less than it should be. I can compensate for it, and I do, but I will not pretend nothing is wrong here.

Thanks for sharing your opinion, let me reason my platitude.

Yes, my disability is not without difficulties -

I have a BMI of a child, with it I have to perform duties of several adults every day. I'm constantly in pain, much of my childhood were spent in hospitals for surgeries on my limb deformities (I underwent ilizarov ring fixation for 4 times, with 2 years completely immobile at different times); perhaps of which physical pain doesn't bother me anymore.

Coming back to my statement, yes I face constant physical difficulties. But every moment I spend thinking about it, I get closer to sitting in a corner of my house for rest of my life like thousands of other disabled persons in my country. It might be called a farce, that "I put up a display of nothing is wrong with me"; then again it might inspire a few to come out of a closet and put up a brave fight against prejudices.

I don't want to minimize the level of prejudice that you face but know that every deviation from a heterosexual cis-gendered neurotypical able-bodied white American male is a trigger for discrimination.

Colored woman? 2 levels of prejudice. Immigrant with an accent? Prejudice. Autistic? prejudice. Transgender? you guessed it - prejudice.

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