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To me that's spam.

1. find a way to personalize. visit their website etc.

2. focus on what you can do for them. ie.

Are you looking for a way to get more customers for your new business?

Is your website getting the traffic it should?

Could your business benefit from a 1000% increase in website traffic?

Should I start the second para with these type questions ? right after the one liner intro?

most of what I've done has been around adwords lead gen. not cold emails.

and the ads/landing page has pretty specific formula. not to say their isn't a better way.