7 years from now, there's going to be an 18-21 years that has made millions of dollars. Today, that kid is 11-14yrs old.
They don't even know how to drive, don't have a license, don't have a car. Live with their parents. Can't even pay their cell phone, still working through Algebra 1 and English composition.
You have a head start and more experience. Everything else you see as an obstacle is just an excuse. Those kids just have a fresh mind. Reset your mind. Don't look at what you lost, look at all you can gain and start working towards it.
Person founded a startup during the .com bubble. He took on a lot of personal debt to fund it. In his words, "Went from driving a Ferrari to losing everything and having $600K+ of debt."
He had a spouse and kids and was a business person, not a tech person. For whatever reason he decided not to declare bankruptcy and spent the next 10 years digging himself out of that debt. Since he was a business person, he ended up much lower down the ladder in a sales role and climbed the ladder again. There was nothing romantic about his climb - he had to live in some really cold and often disparaged parts of US and worked for companies that are derided on HN. Basically going wherever he could get a job.
The last time I had talked to him we was doing very well financially, had paid off the debt, had just purchased a home, and was living in the part of the country that was a good fit for him and his family. You could still see the scars of those years in his health and his relationships with his spouse and kids.
Note that when some people say they "lose it all" they also lose their spouse/relationships and end up homeless. I guess it could have been much worse, but his situation was still awful.
How so?
1). Years of stress due to debt and having to work extremely long hours to make up for the debt. This includes less than ideal work environments. 2). Spouse being forced to take up all other responsibilities because their partner is working so much. Even though the partner is working so much, there is limited money for extra help. Plus, the constant stress of a bad financial situation. 3). Having to move every few years. Kids changing schools every few years. 4). They were a minority (not white), and were lived in places that had very few people from the same ethnic group. That's not easy, especially in schools. Ever been bullied because your lunch is different from what everybody else is eating?
Prolonged stress takes a toll. This includes families who were happy with each other and lived "normal" lives until that stress began. Long term stress on a family will take a long time to resolve after things become good again.
When crunch time came, I took the first job I found, worked there for 6 months as a C++ developer, and then started working as a .Net contractor after teaching myself C# over the space of a few weeks.
Forward 4 years: I earn top money as a contractor, have released 4 new applications and a couple of web apps — all far better than anything I released during my failed solo career. For me, the truth was I produced more and of better quality when I was in full time work than when I had all the time in the world. There’s a saying: “If you want something done, give it to a busy person.”
Contracting 6 or 9 months in different companies actually helps with my own software, as I learn new ways of doing things, get new ideas for products, and get huge confidence boosts from doing well in each new job.
The lesson isn't to make a last hurrah but wait for the right moments. It was a ridiculous moment to buy in retrospect, but also was super stressful. Lately I noticed the hair loss...
So, I was hiring for a startup, got him on board (a dig-in-and-do-it kind of guy), got him stock options and a raise as things progressed.
By the time we got bought out he was out of the trailer park, bought a house, another child on the way. Now he's a responsible managing engineer with his pick of projects and opportunities.
I like to think about how I did what I could to help at the time. But it was all him, character plus never-give-up attitude. Still, somebody had to be there with the opportunity.
5 years later I don't feel like I have recovered (whatever recovered means). There is a lot of unresolved stuff there which is never going to get resolved. I moved away, started doing other work but I don't look back with fondness. If I could I would go back and do somethings differently.
Really difficult by the time you are in your mid-30's to start afresh, just not the way the brain works. Past experience can be a huge help but it can be a hinderance.
My logical conclusion would be: Many people hope they could recover from a huge failure but very few really do
It's a really good question; I love Ask HN's like these. However, the conclusion you came to makes sense. That could be the case.
Back in 2003, when my marriage failed, I lost everything. My home, all my money in the divorce settlement, and I was sleeping in the car along with the only possessions I had in the world. That was pretty much rock bottom for me. I felt like a complete failure.
So after a few months of feeling like death warmed up I figured I had nothing to lose and so took my credit card and booked a ten day diving holiday to Thailand with a mate. I was sitting on an empty, white, sandy beach on Koh Lanta and I had this realization that all the things I thought would make me happy, like a big house, fancy job title, lots of money in the bank, lots of stuff, and a nice car HAD NEVER MADE ME HAPPY! But, sitting there on that little beach, throwing pebbles into the ocean, looking at a clear blue sky and crystal clear water I realized I was happy. I felt like I'd been duped, conned, sold a lie. When I returned to the harsh grey reality of life in the UK, and 4.00am commutes I knew I had to change things and start living by a different set of priorities.
These days I'm a lot happier, although there have of course been "moments". I focus on owning very few possessions, working as little as possible, and prioritizing health, fitness, my current relationship (10 years and going strong), travel, and my family, and it has worked out very well.
I guess my advice would be, things are probably not as bad as you think they are. The mind can really drag you down and play tricks on you, and the things you thought were so important turn out not to be, and the things you didn't consider important, like freedom and the ability to travel light through life and love, turn out to be a big deal.
A few resources I picked up along the way that really helped me.
1) What should I do with my life? - Po Bronson 2) Your money or your life - Joe Dominguez 3) Is the American Dream Killing You? - Paul Stiles 4) Working ourselves to death - Diane Fassel 5) Any book on CBT.
Particularly number 2) had a huge impact - I still do the steps.Do the steps and it will work. Don't do the steps and it won't. Number 4) was the first book I read that alerted me to the fact I might not have my priorities quite right!! Number 5 - absolutely key to understanding how the mind works. This helped me a lot in various ways.
I can honestly same I'm not "successful" by how people in the West would measure success, but I AM happy. Life's too short to strive for anything other than a feeling of contentment and happiness. Don't listen to people who tell you otherwise - they are probably miserable anyway. {grin}
I have missed a lot out here - there are a lot of nuances to things you pick up from experience. One day I might write something more. Enough for now though.
A parting thought - the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If you want different results do something different - set different priorities.
Good luck to you and I hope all goes well with what you do next.
The key thing to remember: once you've lost it all, you have already started over; you just might not know it yet.
All this tells me is that is attitude that counts for everything.