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Comment by jmcgough | Hacker News Reader

I think it depends entirely on whether they're willing to work on it, and how they act when they're in a bad state.

I have a partner with BPD, and she's put a lot of effort into getting better (and I've seen real progress), and at her worst she's never really acted maliciously or cruel. Still, way more extreme highs and lows than any other relationship I've been in, and I've stopped seeing them as much just because it's so exhausting.

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I applaud your effort, and I don't want this to be hurtful, but borderlines are chameleons, and I want you to guard against false hope. Good luck, but I'm afraid it is a battle that cannot be won (at this time).

There's a wide spectrum of severity when it comes to personality disorders; just because one person with BPD is beyond help doesn't mean others are unable to lead reasonably normal lives with the disorder.

Perhaps, but uncertainty plagues all those in the borderline's sphere of influence, and more likely than not, it's a save yourself situation. If you are realistically willing to give your life for this BPD, then by all means stick it out and good luck to you. But don't presume it is any more hopeful than highly unlikely of even leading a troubled relationship. Most likely a relationship full of anguish - probability speaking.

I can understand believing that, and it's likely true for some people. I don't think that all people with BPD are the same though - there's a wide range of severity, and comorbidity. She was actually the one who told me that she thought she was BPD, and wanted to get better.

If I thought she was truly sociopathic, I'd cut ties with her.

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