Hipster way to say "stealing" ;)
If you think taxes are stealing, you don't have a problem with hipsters. You have a problem with governance of civilized society over the last hundred years (much longer for most of the world, since the signing of the 16th amendment in 1913 in the US).
You can be dismissive about it all you want, but you're the one who has a fundamental disagreement with how civilized society has been run for the last hundred years (or longer if you look outside the United States).
Your satire fails to hit the mark of making someone look ridiculous, because they are describing a long-established status quo. Society isn't going to think someone describing the status quo is ridiculous or crazy for defending the status quo.
You're confused. Depending on a factor does not mean that this factor owns what you produced. Example: To make ice-cream, you depend on cows. Cows do not own your profits.
That's where the concept of taxes comes from. You use the services that the government provides in order to create value. As such, the government claims part of the value that you created.
Ideally, then, the government reinvests into other services that future generations will also be able to use to create value.
We can have a disagreement over how much the government should be able to claim from individuals, but I have seen very few people advocate for no taxation.