Please provide some examples of being treated like subhuman dirt, I'm waiting. You make Seattle sound like they're pelting techies in the streets with rotten fruit. I have no idea what you're talking about, having lived and worked in Seattle.
So I've just stopped speaking unless spoken to...this is the first place where I've felt like my mere existence is an imposition.
I understand that plenty of other people deal with that every day but...it still hurts.
I think you're very unlucky or hypersensitive to things that don't actually exist.
On what grounds do you believe that to be the basis for people not speaking with you?
Strongly consider that this is not a problem in tech, but an individual one. I put in years at Microsoft, Amazon, and the dreaded startup row in Pioneer Square. I have a diverse group of friends from tech to retail, I watch football weekly with random people, have no problems striking up conversations at bars, etc.
Most of the complaints I hear like yours are eminently traceable to individual personalities that are overrepresented in tech, not people in general.
Have you tried volunteering? It might make you feel a little bit less lonely, and a little more wanted for helping other people.
You sound like you're experiencing some isolating emotions for the first time... living in the big city can be isolating and alienating for everyone. Not just techies.
You're not a pariah... it's just Seattle.
Just a confirmation for this. As just one example, I spend a lot of time volunteering at an animal shelter. Makes me wished I'd volunteered as a younger man, as there are some hot chix there, and we obviously all like dogs. :-) Piggishness aside, I meet all kinds of people there and take my pick of relationships had I more time. Even if I don't speak to another person, I get to hang out with a variety of dogs while I'm there, and if no human thanks me the dogs sure do seem to appreciate it.
Or Meetups for your chosen hobby. As yet another example, I play bluegrass music. Not in a band, just "jamming" with other people. I could play bluegrass music with other people at least three days a week if I wanted to (and sometimes do), probably more if I'd drive just a bit further. In addition to meeting other people at the jams, and bluegrassers will talk to you as long as you can stand it, that leads to going to bluegrass festivals, where you spend an entire weekend playing with other people after the bands get off stage.
Just some ideas. Because I do think a valid "complaint" of Seattle in general is that you're always welcome, but we're not going to explicitly invite you.
They're not singling you out. Seattle people don't talk to random strangers on the street or transit unless there's an actual reason. This aspect of the city is well known: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seattle_Freeze.
The good news is that it's not personal. The bad news is that it's still difficult to get to know people.
There are some exceptions to the rule. If you're a coffee drinker, you can definitely talk to your barista (about half of them are really friendly in my experience), and if you have a dog, you can talk to other people who have dogs (you might think I'm joking, but I am not).
Your best bet for human interaction is to join some sort of formal group. I still have a group of friends I made through Seattle Works (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seattle_Works) a decade ago.
Is this unique to Seattle? I don't think I've lived anywhere (lived in both north and south CA previously) where people just talked to random people.
I feel like that's just one part of being in a big place? No point saying hi to every single person because there's way too many people and you're unlikely to see most of them ever again.
Source: I moved to Seattle at 22 and have more friends here than I ever had in my previous life.
I mean this in the most constructive manner I can muster: consider that you contribute to this in some way. To put it more bluntly, maybe it's you. Because I've lived here for seventeen years, having moved from the Midwest, which was a hell of an adjustment. Because I'll agree that Seattlites are generally not as outgoing. For example, you move into a neighborhood in the Midwest and you'll be eating casserole for a week as the neighbors one by one drop them off. In Seattle, meh, it'd be nice if the neighbors acknowledged that I'm new to the neighborhood. But to just not talk to you? Really? An entire geographical location comprised of people that won't talk to others? C'mon, how likely is that? Hell, most people around here these days aren't even from Washington, so they're just fast learners of local culture?
Now I'm a bit of an introvert, so I'm not all that outgoing to begin with, but I have no trouble getting people to talk to me. Not as "chew your ear off" as Midwesterners can be, but they'll talk. If I had anything to complain about with West Coast living in general is folks can be a bit self-absorbed compared to what I'm used to. So they'll talk; oh, how they'll talk, but it'll be about themselves. But at least they're talking to you. :-) So ask people how that Paleo diet is going, or how Crossfit workouts are treating them. My experience says that you'll beg them to shut up.
But all of this is one huge, monstrous generalization because you can't just dump 700K people into one pigeon hole and call it a day.
The irony is not lost on me. :-) Best wishes to you for where ever you end up.
Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like you've gone through a lot.
I am also a recent transplant in Seattle. If you ever need someone to talk to, we can meet up over coffee or something. You can reach me at chohyu01@uw.edu.