Can we first define what winning a war and losing a war mean?

If we're talking about politically, yes we've lost the politic wars. The reasons for that are straightforward. We don't care what the local populace wants or realistically needs.

Militarily, we destroy the people we designate as enemies easily and without a problem. Most wars of attrition are easy to win when you've got the bigger gun and more people.

We need to stop thinking of wars as chess matches and start thinking of them as 4x games where the populace actually matters and gaining hearts and minds is actually important.