Keep calm & carry on: What you didn't know about the reddit story

Alexis you bastard, making me cry at work!

That was a beautiful post and really hit home in a weird day. Both my parents are getting old enough for me to worry about their health and I feel like I still haven't accomplished anything worthwhile. Sure I have a house/car/career etc. but just for once, I want to make them proud by doing something big. I've had about 3 hours of my 15-minutes of fame but nothing solid to rely on, like a stable startup or research career. The weird part is I feel a large part of my motivation comes from my desire to prove to them that they raised a good kid. I can't even imagine pushing myself to accomplish something if they aren't there to witness it. I just lost my grandpa last month and my dad expressed a very similar sentiment about him always trying to be the best son to his dad.

Thanks Alexis for sharing this. You're a good man.

After focusing so much on the ones and zeroes, posts like this snap us back to all that really matters: other people.

In the past year, I have made dramatic changes in my life, both personal and business, for one reason: so that I can spend time with my mother who is suffering from severe dementia. We watch Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune every night together. I yell out all the answers and she laughs, not caring whether they're right or wrong.

Before she started slipping away last year, she told me 2 things:

"From the moment I first saw you, I knew I would love you unconditionally forever."

and

"I'm so proud of you."

Everything else from this point forward is gravy.

Thank you, Alexis.

Amazing. The moral of the story is that having an exceptionally independent, driving job like a startup actually makes you better at weathering crises.

Pretty counter-intuitive. One would think that having more stability and security in the background would free up one's mind to be able to help and cope and the like. But it makes a lot of sense that the opposite is true. Even in the midst of crises, you don't want your life to be entirely about crisis management. A large dose of of independence and drive helps a lot with that. Being able to travel and still work helps. Feeling like you're still doing something that matters to you helps even more.

My dad died of Glioblastoma when I was a teenager. He first noticed it as a sudden worsening of vision, followed by a breakdown of spatial relationships. My mom's boyfriend's best friend died of it too.

It's a horrible disease and the worst part about it is that it always comes back. Surgery and treatment might buy you 5 good years if you catch it early and it isn't as malignant. But it will always come back and kill you.

If anyone has any illusions that human personalities are made of more than the meat in our heads, watching someone die of a brain tumor will disabuse you of them. Bits of them disappear, and the remaining bits misfire and overcompensate for the bits that aren't there.

For anyone reading this, if your vision suddenly gets worse, don't just get new glasses. Go see a doctor. Most of our brain is devoted to visual processing, and if something isn't right it usually manifests there first.

I've never met Alexis in person but I E-mailed him for startup advice several times over the years (including the tough months that he mentions in this post).

He always responded with a chipper E-mail and very helpful advice on everything from accounting to licensing agreements to acquisitions.

My uncle, who was like a second father to me, died from a class IV Glioblastoma multiforme a few months ago. I spent about a week in the hospital with him and the family (we spent xmas in the hospital, actually). He was 60, played hockey every week, super healthy, super smart, loved life.

Within two months of being diagnosed he was dead. He first had a seizure playing hockey and evrybody thought it was a stroke or an aneurysm. A month later he lost control over half of his body, then went in and out of coma for the final week... I had a chance to talk to him and hold his hand, tell him how important he was for me and all that stuff that we never tell each other. He could understand what we said, but had a hard time communicating... And then he was gone.

Terrible disease.

I'm getting married in 4 days, and we've decided to give money to charities working on cancer in the name of the wedding guests. We figured it was better than spending the money on chocolates or whatever (though we also have some of those).

This very much echoes my own personal experience. My father was diagnosed with a terminal disease when I was high school. At the time he was given two years to survive. But my father is a fighter and he found a cocktail of food supplements that has allowed him to survive for 17 years now. After college, I have found that startup life provided both an outlet when I needed to hide from the world and offered the flexibility to be there for my family when that was required -- with all the overtime I normally put in no boss I've ever had gave me crap about taking time away or working remotely when needed.

I'm really happy to see this subject getting attention in the tech community. Caregiving is hard and can be a huge strain on families and caregivers. That's why I became the first employee at caring.com when the opportunity came my way. Being able to apply my technical expertise to such a personal subject and hopefully help make some peoples lives go a little smoother during one of the roughest periods of their lives is immensely satisfying.

Thank you for sharing your story, Alexis.

Throws into sharp relief the regular stories we see of startups floundering after a few weeks/months for "personal reasons".

One takeaway from this that I saw was that having awesome co-founders is a must (as in the case of Reddit). Obviously this was a terrible time for Alexis; but I imagine it was a bit scary for the co-founders as well - not knowing if he would be about and in what state.

Thanks for sharing Alexis :)

My "problems" look minuscule in comparison. I am inspired to look past them and try harder. Thanks for sharing.

Alexis, I always felt that even though you weren't the coder, your personality was critical to Reddit's success and is indelibly stamped all over the site's comments and their sense of humour. Just as PG formed the soul of news.YC, so you and Steve formed the soul of Reddit.

To know that you managed to imprint the humour and affection that I see there now through all of this only makes me more impressed.

Alexis is pretty much my hero.

"If you happened to meet me during that time, you probably wouldn't have known it."

Had no idea. Later when I read about this (mentioned on some earlier post too) and the scaling issues the team was battling with at the time, I came to appreciate getting the chance to visit Reddit even more.

This story seriously choked me up. Simply incredible and highly inspirational. Thanks for sharing.

This is a truly valuable contribution to the startup community--as inspiring as it is devastating. We should all aspire to such courage, motivation, and good intentions in the work we do ourselves.

Man that hurts, it reminds me of 'The Boxer' by Simon and Garfunkel. Much respect for hanging in there, and just when I was thinking you should post a picture of your mom you did.

Thanks.

much respect. thanks for sharing.

This has been said before and better here and elsewhere, but thanks for sharing your story Alexis, very inspiring and moving. Perseverance like yours is sensational.

Alexis, thank you for sharing. It always helps to have a reminder that focusing on taking one step at a time is the way to get through anything.

Keep calm and carry on!

Alexis is a brave person. Many people would have probably given up but it is amazing how he kept working all along. A lot of respect for this person.

While you visited your mum regularly, didn't you feel guilty not being in MD with her?

Motto to run a startup by: "Keep Calm, Carry on" -Alexis Ohanian

Thanks for the post, you have adjusted my life course.

And you thought you wouldn't cry today.

Thanks for this one.

I see stories on Reddit all the time that people say made them cry. I've never been affected by them, but this one choked me up real hard.

Meh.

Am I the only one who wishes all this personal stuff had nothing to do with the business?

Is it some new rule these days that startup founders have to prove they are 'real people' by sharing all the details of their lives? I mean, sure .. its sad to have to go through all that, but that stuff is personal.

This story really has very little to do with reddit, other than to serve as a social means of establishing 'personality' behind the scenes of the service.

Downvote me into oblivion, but I really have to say - fair enough, dude. You had a rough time. But that is life, you know? Need the whole world know you are suffering the normal, perfectly mundane, plain ol' human condition?

I suppose in these techno-fuelled racey days of million-dollar teenagers it helps to have a little soap opera, to keep the balance, eh ..