Hacker News Reader

Comment by untog | Hacker News Reader

I've spoken to a few of the women I've worked with about this before, and honestly you'd be shocked how much absolutely does go on, right under your nose, and you don't notice it.

How did everyone get home from the last happy hour the team had? Who shared taxis? Do you remember who shared with who? I certainly didn't. I was pretty drunk and what does it matter anyway? Well, turns out that after one night one of the managers shared with a subordinate and made a totally inappropriate move on her. Turns out he has a habit of doing it. I had absolutely no idea.

View on HN

I’m not saying it’s not true. I’m just genuinely wondering if I simply don’t get invited to the kinds of gatherings where such things could possibly transpire, and why that is. I don’t think I’m quite _that_ boring or unattractive.

I don’t get it - are you saying sexual harassment happens to exciting, attractive people only?

The point is that it happens to women everywhere, also (and perhaps even mostly) in ordinary settings where other oblivious men think it couldn’t possibly transpire.

You’re feigning outrage. You get it perfectly well. All I’m saying is I apparently don’t get invited to social gatherings where such things happen. Anything else is a fruit of your imagination.

The point is, even people who get invited to social gatherings where such things happen don't realize they're happening, so they also think they don't get invited to social gatherings where such things happen. So maybe you're DO go to such events but you just don't realize it.

I mean, women get sexually harassed on trains. You've never ridden a train?

The point they're trying to make is that, unless it very specifically happens to you or happens in the really flagrant way described in the post... it probably happens but you're not aware of it.

That's the take-away from this discussion.

Watching on Twitter, the #metoo hashtag scroll by with probably 80% of the women I know and respect joining in...yeah, I know it's prevalent but it's still shocking to see, not just prevalent, but nearly ubiquitous.

Back to your parties, odds are it's happening and you're simply not aware of it.

Maybe it depends on the company you keep. Perhaps all the parties you go to are populated by educated men with high morals. Maybe you don't have any sleazebag friends or co-workers, which is a good thing.

Most of the description that I have heard so far seem to involve power more than anything else. Usually, power gained faster or early. And it’s not everybody, so you’d need to have groups of people who became more influential than they were ready for, to have consistent issues.

If you go to conferences about ‘boring’ things, there might not invite people like this.

What worries me

Reply on news.ycombinator.com