it's normal to not be able to derive proofs on your own without seeing them beforehand. you don't want to "rote up stuff"? then don't do math, bitch.
seriously.
the only way that you're going to develop the ability to prove things on your own is by reading over and memorizing a lot of other proofs. math is a skill to be built and you will notice the repeating patterns in proof techniques, and then you will be able to prove new solutions yourself.
i totally killed all my math classes in college because i wrote down the proofs on index cards and drilled myself until i memorized them. i spent tons of time in the library doing ROTE MEMORIZATION of all the various proofs. does that make me a "boring tool" who can't "think creatively" and only relies on "lame rote repetition"? no, not at all, i was consistently a creative problem solver. WHY?? because i built the base of explicit knowledge upon which to draw, and THEN i was able to apply it in novel ways. DOING math is INTUITIVE. that it means it's SKILL-BASED and NOT RATIONAL. FOLLOWING a proof, on the other hand, requires LOGIC.
if your problem is understanding proofs, then, just make sure you have a thorough understanding of the building blocks and concepts.
do you know how i made it through abstract algebra? before school started, i sat down at the bookstore and read through the first 5 chapters of the book. then, when we discussed the chapters in class, it was my second exposure and it was much easier to memorize. consequently, i was way ahead of everyone and did minimal work. use your prefrontal cortex and think long-term.
and if you're having trouble visualizing things, try to reduce them into their smallest possible visual elements. for example, if you're trying to understand a proof of something in R^n, then start by understanding how to do it in R^2. Then R^3.
always try to look for concrete examples first. it's often much easier to go from concrete -> abstract than abstract -> concrete. it's how the human brain works. our consciousness is just a series of metaphors for real-world operations.