Sounds like you need to do some STFU yourself, having clearly never come anywhere near this problem domain. Using standard tools to process and resize user-uploaded images can easily soak up all the CPU time and memory you could throw at it.
I recently spent a bunch of time rewriting a client's image processing pipeline fromt the usual O(n)-space ImageMagick crap that loads the full uncompressed image into memory a few times over to be O(1)-space doing streaming downsampling by exploiting the compression implementations of JPEG and PNG. It was more than worth it — even with the PNG implementation being a bit more CPU intensive now, it's a lot nicer having it operate in constant space without fear of swap and the OOM-killer.