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Comment by usaphp | Hacker News Reader

> 2 - You can do what you want, when you want.

How does having social life prevents you from doing what you want and when you want?

"How does having social life prevents you from doing what you want and when you want?"

Let's say you want to go to see one movie, but all your friends want to see a different one. Or maybe you don't feel like seeing a movie at all, but your friends are going.

Or there's a party on Friday, but you don't feel like going out. Or maybe you just want to stay home and read a book.

There are countless other situations where you might want to do one thing, but social obligations, situations or friends are pulling you to do something else.

You don’t always have to do whatever your friends want to. Having social life does not mean spending 100% of time satisfying your friend’s desires, most people have social life because it’s what they want, and in periods when they don’t want it - they can stay home and do what they want, while if you don’t have a social life at all - you can’t do that, because most probably you don’t have friends to begin with.

How is that preventing you from doing what you want to do more than not socializing does?

You're simply being forced to choose between two things you want, because you can't do both. That happens even when you're alone -- or at least, I haven't figured out the correct method of writing in my (paper) journal and taking a shower at the same time. Or taking bong hits while swimming. Or napping while playing video games. Or....

This doesn't sound like you're being prevented from doing what you want, when you want -- you just can't do two things you want at the same time. But this isn't unique to socializing.

(It also sounds like failing to take responsibility for your choices so you don't have to deal with being forced to choose between them and can blame Them for forcing the decision.)

> there's a party on Friday, but you don't feel like going out. Or maybe you just want to stay home and read a book.

"Tonight's an at-home night for me. You guys have fun."

This is why it's beneficial to have multiple circles of friends.

Maintaining a social life requires effort -- which means sometimes making sacrifices.

That's the whole point: these sacrifices are downsides to having a social life, and by not having one you don't have to make these sacrifices, so that's an upside to not having a social life.

> How does having social life prevents you from doing what you want and when you want?

Going to weddings for people I don’t know and office parties where I don’t work come to mind.

Even going to weddings of people I do know is sheer torture to me. I hate weddings.

I also feel like a fish out of water at parties, and very rarely enjoy them. Usually they're just depressing and leave me wondering why I'm spending time with these people.

I’ve thought the same but view it as a weakness

Same. 'Going out' is just stressful and/or depressing.

Honestly, if you are wondering "why I'm spending time with these people", you should find a different group of people.

People you are excited to share with, see and spend time with.

Good groups of people are hard to find, but make a big difference.

If "what you want" isn't a social activity, or "when you want" conflicts with when your friends are available, then having a social life gets in the way of other things you'd like to do.

Because the time is limited, and because two actors in a relationship have opposite desires, goals, obligations, etc. (where to eat, what movie to see, what party to attend.

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