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Comment by cimi_ | Hacker News Reader

If the downsides are depression and misery, all the upsides are irrelevant.

> I calculated that, on average, I was spending 22 hours or more each week on social activities.

This is the premise the article builds upon, and IMO it's already a bit too much. I've done both: go out every night and don't go out for a noticeable enough period. Both are bad, both are draining. Even if going out means stepping outside your comfort zone, you should do it.

> 5 - You'll save a ton of money on drinks, restaurants, and travel.

Not all of these are equivalent in value and not all are that expensive. The expenses are usually negligible compared to other stuff mortgages, leases etc (depending on tastes, but usually holds for tech people).

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"If the downsides are depression and misery, all the upsides are irrelevant."

Who said that just because you don't have a social life you must be miserable or depressed?

There are plenty of people who are ok with or even enjoy being alone, and really don't like to socialize much if at all.

>who said that being alone = depression

As a loner, I will say that.

http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2006-03906-014

Do you not have many close relationships with people or do you just choose not to spend too much time on social activities like the author did?

Both

Same here.

Worked out perfectly for a while but crushed me eventually.

Not a path I want to go through ever again.

Some people might be cut out to be hermits, I am not.

> Who said that just because you don't have a social life you must be miserable or depressed?

Well it depends on how one defines social life. But historically a lone human is a dead human. Depression does have an evolutionary advantage in that you are less likely to approach potentially violent strangers. The lowered energy levels make you sleep longer and reduces your visibility. The misery is probably just a motivating force so that you seek out your tribe.

People in solitary confinement go crazy, quite literally. Humans need contact with other humans - that however does not mean wild parties every evening.

Happy loners tend to have few friends/colleagues/family they talk with. That is not nearly the same as no social life at all.

Regularly going out more than once or twice a week sounds absolutely exhausting, and more likely to make me feel depressed and miserable than staying in every night for prolonged periods.

22 hours of social activity a week sounds absolutely insane. I think the last time I was anywhere close to that was in the dorms in college, where "social activity" was as simple as "pop next door for a bit".

Same. 22 hours of social activity would leave me paralyzed.

was as simple as "pop next door for a bit"

I wonder if that's half the problem, we make socialising so expensive in terms of organising, travel and scheduling that it becomes a drain. Popping next door doesn't have much cost.

> 22 hours of social activity a week

I wonder how "social activity" is defined in this context. For example, I regularly spend my evenings in the local hackerspace. My primary goal is to write some code or configure something on my servers, or just to read some HN or play Minecraft. That's all stuff that I could do at home, but the hackerspace gives the chance of having the occasional chat when someone brings up an interesting topic (and the possibility of an expert sitting next to me when I run into some weird problem).

Do the hours spent at the space count as social interaction, or only those few minutes when I have a chat?

On the flip side of things, going into a relationship specifically to try to solve your depression, misery, or loneliness can lead to unhealthy relationships.

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