Also, why is it a rant? That's what I think is going on, and those are some points that explain why I think this way.
I get that people are upset that Apple's gone full bore on USB-C "early," but they did that with USB, period. When the first iMac came out in 1998, it was the first computer to have only USB ports--and pretty much nobody was making USB peripherals back then. (And one of the two USB ports on the iMac was guaranteed to be taken up by your keyboard/mouse, so as USB took off, Apple was also early to the "not having enough ports" game. Heyo!)
There are legitimate things to complain about with the current MBP models; I don't like the keyboard, either, although I certainly don't have any problem with battery life. (My understanding is that it varies much more sharply than previous models depending on the system load.) I think only 2 USB-C ports on the low-end 13" model (the one I have) is too few. I think all of the laptops should probably have SD slots (c'mon, Jony, SD cards are thin, okay?). And at least so far, the Touch Bar hasn't justified itself. But when it comes to going all-in on USB-C, I'm not one of the ones who thinks that's a mistake on Apple's part. If anything, I think it's a mistake not to swap the Lightning port on the iPad Pro for a USB-C port.